


What comes after dreams

by NoSanaNoLife



Category: IZONE (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-07-27 01:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20037625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoSanaNoLife/pseuds/NoSanaNoLife
Summary: IZ*ONE had officially ended. Amidst the members returning to old careers and starting new ones, Eunbi finds herself lost on what to do. She had worked tirelessly for years to accomplish her dream and become a beloved idol. But nobody had ever told her what to do when that dream came to an end.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a post-IZ*ONE story centered around Eunbi. It is a sequel to a previous story of mine, "Make it Red," but it is not necessary to read it before reading this story.

After two and a half years, IZ*ONE was finally ending. Her dream was over.

Saying her dream was over was a bit pessimistic. Eunbi had just finished a successful tenure as the leader of one of the best kpop girl groups in the last few years. They challenged the best girl groups in their generation, and fended off rookies from the upcoming next gen. Eunbi knew that she was guaranteed some level of success if she were to return to Woollim and Kpop in general.

There were talks of her and Chaewon returning and joining Rocket Punch. It would be a bit of an odd transition, but the company thought that including the IZ*ONE veterans would help bolster the group’s popularity. There was always the option of waiting a little longer and joining a new group. By all means, the end of IZ*ONE was far from the end of Eunbi the idol.

And yet, Eunbi didn’t feel excited for the future. Ror the past month, she had woken up every morning dreading tonight. The last day she would lead IZ*ONE. These two and a half years had been the best of her life. She got to travel the world, win awards, make music that captured the public, and do all of it with her best friends. These were experiences and memories she dreamed of having when she first debuted with Ye-A. It had taken all of her resolve to bury her pride and challenge the entertainment industry again. To start all over.

And Eunbi couldn’t do it again.

She went to the management at Woollim and told them of her plans. She wanted to retire. Maybe she’d return one day, but for the time being, she did not want to be a trainee anymore. They were upset: after all, they had essentially loaned out Eunbi with the understanding that she would return a popular idol who would bring in more profits. But after a few days of discussion, it was evident that Eunbi had lost that passion and desire to stand on stage again. They worked something out.

That was much easier than Eunbi telling the rest of her members.

“Alright everyone, eyes on me!” Eunbi called from her position at the front of the room. The group had just returned from an exhausting night of practice. “Yujin, wake up!” The puppy-like girl shook her head in surprise, and the group giggled. Eunbi smiled, but then dropped it quickly.

“Now, I know we’re all tired, and five of us have early morning schedules tomorrow. But I have something really important to say.” Eunbi was feeling particularly stressed, and her hands kept fidgeting, looking for something to grab. She took both hands and swept them through her hair, turning the normally straight and well-kept look into one that was a bit all over the place.

“As you know, we’re almost at the end of our contracts. And we’ve all been preparing for the next step in our careers. And this might be a bit vain of me, but I wanted to share my next step with everybody.”

Eunbi took a deep breath.

“After IZ*ONE, I’m retiring.”

Silence. You could hear a pin drop. Even the always-loud beagles of the group were stunned.

Eunbi, sensing that nobody was going to say anything, decided to continue. “I love performing. I’ve loved being with you guys and being your leader for two and a half years. But I don’t think I can go through the stress of debuting again.” She looked down at the ground and rubbed the back of her neck. “I’m getting pretty old for a rookie, so I won’t exactly be doing my group any favors.”

“That’s not true!”

Eunbi swiftly looked up at the source of the outburst. It was the tearful second member of Woollim Entertainment, Chaewon, glaring daggers at Eunbi.

The leader smiled back tiredly. “It’s okay Chaewon. I’m honestly really satisfied with everything I’ve done with IZ*ONE. I’ve accomplished my dream, and it’s time I look for new ones. It sounds like goodbye, even though we’re still together for a bit longer. But I wanted everyone to know.”

Nobody in the room knew how to respond. Chaewon, holding back tears, stormed out of the living room into her own room. The room remained motionless. Everyone looked a little nervous, and Eunbi began to feel exceptionally self-conscious. She just seemed to be adding to everyone’s stress. _What kind of leader am I_, she thought. _I shouldn’t be worrying everybody like this_.

While the guilt was starting to compound inside of Eunbi’s mind, Yena suddenly stood up and clapped her hands once together, gathering everyone’s attention.

“Ah unnie, I’m sure everyone is just a little shocked at the news. But I want to be the first to thank you. For guiding us and putting us first for this entire time. Even though I’m sad about this, I want you to know that I’ll support you in whatever you do. Unnie, fighting!”

Eunbi’s expression brightened, and she crossed the room to envelop Yena in a tight hug. She could always rely on Yena to read the mood of the room and figure out a way to turn it around. Yena’s speech seemed to have roused the rest of the group, and soon everyone was up and engaging in a group hug.

The quiet gave way to cheers and declarations of love and good luck. And despite Eunbi’s nervousness, she felt comforted by the rest of the members. Their understanding and patience reminded her of why she didn’t want to continue her current career. The fans were the most important part of IZ*ONE’s success, but these women, in this moment, were the most important part of IZ*ONE for Eunbi.

She really didn’t know how she could go on without them.

…

Later that night, Eunbi walked out to get a glass of water when she found Chaewon sitting at the kitchen table. Chaewon’s unwavering stare was enough to let Eunbi know that she wouldn’t be escaping this conversation.

She took a seat across from Chaewon and sipped her water a bit while Chaewon continued to stare at her. Despite the Chaewon’s obvious curiosity, Eunbi was content to sit in silence until the younger was ready. Despite Chaewon protesting their closeness prior to IZ*ONE, the two had always been close ever since they had met as trainees at Woollim. The fact that Chaewon had become so emotional at Eunbi’s decision was proof of that.

“Why?” Chaewon asked finally. Eunbi exhaled loudly, and leaned back in her chair. She closed her eyes, and tried to decide how best to phrase her lack of motivation. Her feeling that she could no longer see herself being an idol without the others.

“Unnie, if the company told you that you were too old, we can leave! Forget them! I’ll follow you to another company and we can debut there and…”

“No, Chaewon, they didn’t say that. It’s not about the company.”

“Then what? What can I do to get you to stay unnie?! I don’t want to be in a group without you!” Chaewon’s voice, rather than sounding upset, sounded desperate. She was practically pleading for Eunbi to relent – to reassure her that they would continue to be idols together even after IZ*ONE.

_But that wouldn’t be fair to Chaewon_, Eunbi decided.

“You know, I spent so many years chasing this dream. To be an idol, and sing and dance to a crowd of thousands screaming my name. To be surrounded by people I love as much as my own family. To touch the hearts of people all across the globe. When my first group failed, I was so mad. I refused to go down as a failure, and I worked my ass off to get to this point. And I did it. I did everything I dreamed of and more.

“But nobody told me what they did after they accomplished their dreams. And I realized during our last few months that the stage didn’t have what I was looking for. I looked at all our fans, but I couldn’t see what I wanted anymore. I really don’t know what I’ll do after IZ*ONE. But I need to look for it. And I can’t find it at Woollim. I can’t find it in another girl group. At least, I don’t think I can.”

Eunbi returned her gaze to Chaewon, who stared back, tears running down her cheeks. Chaewon finally broke eye contact, staring at the table and silently stifling her cries to avoid waking the other members. Eunbi heard some footsteps near the bathroom, but she decided to ignore it. She moved across the table to sit next to Chaewon, and pulled the younger’s head onto her shoulder.

And while Chaewon silently wet Eunbi’s top, Eunbi could do nothing but smile sadly. At the end of the day, this was the reality of their group. There would be plenty more goodbyes in the coming weeks. Though she had always thought of herself as a capable leader who could comfort the others in times of distress, she could only provide a strong front in the face of the inevitable.

…

They had one more night to dream before they woke up. IZ*ONE finished their final public appearance as a group, at a large concert filled with tens of thousands of fans. It was exhausting, but each member had given it their all. Danced as hard as they could. Sang until their throats. And played with one another with abandon on their last stage.

The girls came home, and had a huge sleepover at one of the dorms. While Eunbi and Chaeyeon started cooking, Eunbi spotted Yena pulling Yuri outside. When they returned, they were holding hands, and Eunbi joined in the celebrations and teasing to congratulate the new couple. She wasn’t sure how they would navigate their lives as a couple, and Eunbi wished she could help them in this next stage. But starting today, she was no longer their leader, and all she could do was wish them the best of luck.

Later, most of the girls had fallen asleep, and Eunbi had moved to her room for a moment alone with a can of beer. It was a bit sad, but Eunbi wasn’t ready for the night to end yet.

“Unnie, can we join you?”

It seemed like a few others weren’t ready either. Yena and Chaeyeon stared at Eunbi from the door, waiting for permission. Eunbi nodded her head and gave a small smile. The two plopped down on Yena’s former bunk (she had moved to the other dorm to spend more time with Yuri), armed with their own beers. Yena raised hers in the air.

“To IZ*ONE,” she cheered quietly.

The other two quietly clinked their cans with hers, and they each took a large swig.

“Congrats again on finally getting the guts to confess,” Eunbi teased. Chaeyeon laughed and Yena and Eunbi had to shush her before she woke everyone up.

“Thanks! It would’ve been really awkward if she said no and then I moved to Stone Music…” Yena said, rubbing her nape. “But it worked out, and now I’m a committed woman!”

“I’m really happy for you!” Chaeyeon says, hugging Yena tightly. Eunbi could see the glow on Chaeyeon’s cheeks, and laughed at the fact that Chaeyeon had become a clingy drunk.

“Yeah, yeah, get off of me!” Yena whined, futilely trying to pry a drunk Chaeyeon away. Chaeyeon, instead, tried to drag Yena closer for a kiss, and Yena desperately used her arms to keep a safe amount of distance between them while softly reminding Chaeyeon that she was taken.

Eunbi chuckled fondly. “I’ll miss this.”

That last comment stopped the duo in their tracks, and they separated, nursing their beers somberly.

“Ah, that reminds me why we came,” Yena suddenly said. “What are you gonna do if you’re not gonna be an idol anymore? I really can’t imagine you doing anything else!”

Chaeyeon nodded fervently in agreement. Eunbi could only idly brush her hair with her hands.

“Honestly, I have no idea. I just…feel like I’m not deriving the same joy and sense of purpose when I’m on stage anymore. Without you guys, I don’t think I would want to keep going.”

Yena’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth in amazement. Eunbi instinctively took this as a sign of Yena having an idea.

“You should move agencies! Come join me and Yuri at Stone!”

Chaeyeon lightly pushed Yena, causing the older to fall onto the bed.

“No! If you leave Woollim, join me at WM! We could be such a powerhouse duo!”

“But I need you more!” Yena shouted, still lying on the bed. "Yuri and I can't cook!"

“You already have a member in Yuri! Share some IZ*ONE with me!”

The two bickered, throwing in random jabs, and Eunbi took the time to soak in the moment. These two, despite how troublesome they could sometimes be, had always been there to support Eunbi. When she was stressed out from leader duties and felt drained, Eunbi could count on Yena and Chaeyeon to pick up the slack.

“Actually,” Eunbi interjected while Chaeyeon had started pulling aggressively on Yena’s cheek. “I’m thinking of going traveling for a bit. Maybe take a long vacation while I figure out what to do next.”

Chaeyeon turned to Eunbi, adopting a thoughtful expression. Yena continued slapping Chaeyeon’s hand, asking for mercy. “That’s a great idea! If anybody deserves a break, it’s you unnie!” Chaeyeon exclaims, releasing Yena’s cheek.

The duck-faced girl rubbed her cheek to try and get some feeling back into it. “I think it’s a good plan too. Maybe some distance will make your heart grow fonder.”

Eunbi nodded in agreement. It wasn’t a permanent solution, but it was at least an idea of what to do during the foreseeable future. And who knows, maybe she’ll be struck by some inspiration and figure out what she wants to do next.

Eunbi eagerly turned to Chaeyeon and Yena to discuss potential locations to visit, but found the duo cuddling on the bed, fast asleep. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought. _I guess I can be a leader one more time._ Eunbi tucked the duo into bed, and turned off the light.

...

They all woke up far too soon. The next morning, the Japanese members left for the airport soon after waking up. The rest of the Korean members bid each other farewell and began hauling their suitcases back to their companies’ dorms. Eunbi held an emotional Chaewon as they entered their van to move back into the Woollim dorms. To the world, IZ*ONE had one last hurrah in a grand and bright concert, with the members surrounded by thousands of fans chanting their names.

But for the members, it ended on a quiet street corner, with the only sounds coming from their stifled cries. Today, IZ*ONE ended.

…

A month later, Eunbi walked out of her dorm at Woollim. She turned to give it one final look. Though she hadn’t been living there during her tenure as an IZ*ONE member, it still housed many important memories. She gave a quick bow and mentally thanked the building, before turning towards the street.

Instead of looking for a taxi, Eunbi was stunned upon seeing Chaewon, already waiting with a manager. Chaewon had a firm yet melancholic expression. Eunbi just smiled and slightly shook her head. _I won’t win this argument_.

…

After checking in her bag, the duo sat in front of security. The women awkwardly stood around, not ready to initiate their goodbye. Because it felt a little more serious than just a friend leaving for a vacation. This was the end of their time together as trainees and idols. They had been together for many years by now: it wasn’t easy for either to move past the end of their literal proximity.

Eunbi finally glanced at her watch. “Well, I should head in soon,” she says reluctantly. Chaewon nods absentmindedly, still not making eye contact. Eunbi rolls her eyes, and drags Chaewon into a hug. Chaewon tenses for a moment, before relaxing and hugging Eunbi back tightly.

“Be careful out there,” Chaewon warned softly. “I know you aren’t the greatest at foreign languages. Eat plenty. Rest lots.” She paused for a moment, before pulling away from the hug and staring firmly into Eunbi’s eyes. “I hope you find whatever you’re looking for out there.”

Eunbi gave a nervous chuckle. “I hope so too. And do your best in your new group. They’re rookies, but I can tell they’re strong. And they couldn’t have asked for a better leader.”

Chaewon pouted but nodded. She didn’t have to voice what she was thinking. Eunbi knew her well enough by now.

“See you soon, Chaewon,” Eunbi warmly says. She gives Chaewon a light peck on the cheek before heading off to the security checkpoint. As she’s getting her passport examined, she chances a look behind her. Chaewon stands there, motionlessly, hands clasped firmly and eyes focused on Eunbi’s departing figure.

The sight nearly broke Eunbi’s heart. She wanted to run back and comfort Chaewon, as she had many times during her years as a trainee and leader of IZ*ONE. But she knew that this separation was necessary. For both of their sakes.

Eunbi stepped through the metal detector, and Chaewon fell out of sight. She had taken her first step on her journey in a world without IZ*ONE.


	2. Chapter 2

A woman sat outside of a café, taking small sips of her coffee while watching the people across the street walk by. The spring weather (during November no less!) was refreshing, and the purple jacaranda trees created an almost fantasy-like setting. It reminded of her of a scene straight out of the mobile game IZ*ONE had participated in. The only things missing were eleven other beautiful women to talk to.

_But then again_, Eunbi thought, _I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy this serene city while keeping an eye on all eleven of them_.

And Buenos Aires was a great place to relax. Eunbi had just finished an exhausting tour around South America’s major cities. She wasn’t the type to hang around and really get a feel for local life, so she had been preoccupied visiting all of the major tourist sites and sending plenty of pictures to their almost always active group chat.

Suddenly, the woman was taken out of her thoughts by the sound of her phone buzzing. She opened it, only to roll her eyes at the update from the chat. The named changed frequently, depending on who was currently active. Right now, the title was _Eyes on Maknaes_, referencing Yujin and Wonyoung’s upcoming comeback. It was a cute reminder for all of the members to watch one another and continue to support each other in spite of whatever distance and separation existed between them.

Though sometimes it was just to make fun of Minju. Yujin had just posted a silly meme about Minju’s last variety appearance, and the rest of the group were all jumping on it, much to an embarrassed Minju’s chagrin.

_Some things never change, huh?_ Eunbi thought to herself. She took another look around, and came to a decision. After recuperating in Buenos Aires for the past few days, Eunbi was realizing that there weren’t any more locations she was keen on visiting. The world had been wonderful, but the former leader was finally craving some traditional Korean food. She had been on her own for so long: maybe it was finally time to return.

And she was really running out of funds. Curse those expensive tourist traps. 

On her phone screen, Eunbi clicked on a few buttons and confirmed her purchase.

_One ticket for Seoul in one week_.

She took a quick screenshot, and posted it into the group chat with no explanation. Her phone quickly began shaking furiously from a variety of messages, and Eunbi put the phone away to go back to people-watching for a little longer.

_Yujin: Omo!_

_Wonyoung: Omo omo!_

_Yena: OMOMOMOMOMOMOMO_

_Hitomi: whaa that’s not fair! You haven’t come to japan yet!_

_Nako: unnie doesn’t love us TT_

_Chaeyeon: come visit my apt! I’ll cook you some food!_

_Hyewon: can I come over too?_

_Minju: omo me too chaeyeon-unnie!_

_Yuri: [minjudrools.jpg]_

_Minju: STAWP_

_Chaewon: I’ll pick you up._

It’s been two years, since Eunbi packed her bags and went to see the world without the title of idol. Eunbi was finally ready to return to Korea. And it was time to try and figure out what she was going to do next.

…

When Eunbi exited baggage claim, she was greeted with a familiar sight. Though the girl had covered up using a hat and facemask, Eunbi could always identify Chaewon in a crowd. That and the bright pink hair she could not completely hide. Luckily it was close to midnight and there were only a few people hanging about.

As soon as Eunbi cleared the barrier, Chaewon came barreling over, engulfing the older in a hug. Eunbi, finally holding Chaewon after all this time, couldn’t help but let out a few tears. The two women stayed in each other’s embrace, shedding a few tears.

“Pink looks good on you,” Eunbi began. Chaewon scoffed good-naturedly, and continued to hold onto Eunbi.

“Welcome back, unnie,” Chaewon says in between sniffles.

“It’s good to be back, Chaewon,” Eunbi agrees.

…

Chaewon, pulling Eunbi’s checked bag, brings her towards a car.

“Where is your manager? Is it the one that always laughs during your Vlives?” Eunbi asks.

“Nope,” Chaewon responds. She discards her mask, revealing a smirk on her face. “I drove here myself.”

Eunbi’s mouth fell open in shock. “You have a license? Does the company let you do that?”

“Not for scheduled events. But for personal use? I’m allowed to drive. They trust me a lot. Especially after you left.”

Eunbi, unsure how exactly to respond to the implication present in that last statement, simply nods and helps Chaewon load her bags in. Soon, the duo leave the airport and make their way towards downtown Seoul.

“Still, I’m surprised they even gave you that much. It must be because of your last comeback huh?”

Chaewon smiled happily. “Yeah. I’m really proud of us. I felt a lot of pressure to do well, but we managed to get a few wins, and that’s good enough for me now.”

“You’re doing a great job so far! How many groups ever get a win? And let alone under a year since debut? You guys are great and I think you guys have a bright future. And they have their fearless leader to thank.”

Chaewon blushed. “I did learn from the best after all.” Eunbi beamed. She couldn’t describe the immeasurable pride she felt towards Chaewon. The younger had to burden the pressure of representing Woollim after Eunbi’s departure, while leading a group of new rookies. After their first promotion period without a win, Chaewon had tearfully called Eunbi, begging the older to come back.

But Eunbi had been adamant that Chaewon had what it took to lead this group. “_You’re the girl who debuted in a Produce group with no screen time_,” Eunbi had said. “_If there’s anyone who can bring this group into the spotlight, it’s you!” _Chaewon had never failed IZ*ONE, and Eunbi was confident that Chaewon would deliver again. And in their second comeback, Chaewon’s group had snatched a win from a Big 4 group.

Chaewon had called again, but this time the tears were out of joy. And now, Chaewon and her group were slowly rising in popularity, thanks to a solid fanbase and plenty of outreach on their part.

“So has the company finally given you a break?” Eunbi asked.

“Mhm. We have a week break. But I’ve already started talking with management to pick the next song. I think people might be trending away from wordless choruses, so I want to make sure they’re aware.”

“Ya, don’t overwork yourself,” Eunbi warned. “You’re allowed to celebrate you know.”

“Yes, and we had a nice, congratulatory dinner with the crew. But we need to capitalize off that win. We have this one girl – I mentioned her in a call, Heejin, remember? – who I think is really well cutout for variety. She’s no Yena, but she’s really witty and I think she has what it takes to do well as an MC…”

Chaewon continued to ramble about the strengths and weaknesses of her members, and Eunbi looked at Chaewon, amused. _I guess this is what I get for influencing her_. Still, Eunbi made sure to pay attention, giving dutiful feedback whenever Chaewon asked. Despite her doubts, Chaewon had become an amazingly dedicated leader. While Chaewon had never lacked in any regard (except for maybe being a No Jam sometimes), Eunbi was still surprised at how Chaewon had further matured. She did a commendable job putting her members and group before herself, and was looking to understand and take advantage of her experience in the industry from IZ*ONE. _She’s really grown up_, Eunbi thought affectionately.

“Speaking of your members,” Eunbi interjected during Chaewon’s rant about online comments about their maknae. “Are you guys staying in a big enough dorm? Is there a couch I could borrow for a night?”

“It’s definitely smaller than either of the dorms we stayed in during IZ*ONE,” Chaewon lamented. “So I don’t really think we can house you. You don’t have a place to stay yet?”

“Ah, I didn’t plan too far ahead. I figured that worst comes to worst, I’ll just check into some hotel nearby and then maybe find some Airbnb nearby.” Eunbi responded.

“Well, we can’t have that!” Chaewon says suddenly. “I know the perfect place!”

“I hope you’re not going to suggest your crowded place. I didn’t leave Woollim just to go back and live in their dorms again.”

“Nope. It just so happens that we have some friends with some open space in their apartment. Yuri and Yena-unnie have graciously decided to host you for as long as you need.”

Eunbi smiled. She was always eager to hear about the couple. Even after two years, they duo were still going strong in both their relationship and career. While most of the time, she was as sick as the rest of the members at Yena’s constant barrage of Yuri pictures in the group chat, she was eager to see them again.

“That’s really convenient. Are we going there now?”

“Yup. But it’ll just be you. They’re gonna be out of town for a while. But they said you could use whatever you want in the apartment. Yena’s quote exactly was: ‘Anything for our leader!’”

Eunbi chuckled and shook her head. “I haven’t even been back a day and she’s already trying to kiss-up.”

Chaewon laughed along with her. “Well, after you take a look at their apartment, I think you’ll be the one kissing-up.”

…

“Wow, this is a pretty nice apartment for two people,” Eunbi exclaimed in surprise. The two bedroom apartment had a large foyer that held dozens of shoes, leading into a lavish living room with an L-shaped couch and a beautiful view of the city. She was surprised to find that it was as large as the living room that six of them had shared. Next to a large TV, various awards lined the shelves along with a plethora of plushies. On the other side of the TV stood another shelf, filled with signed albums and CDs. Eunbi felt a swell of pride at seeing a mix of both Yulyen’s and IZ*ONE’s albums filling out a majority of the shelf.

“Well, they are the best duo to show up since BOL4,” Chaewon nonchalantly answered. The Woollim member threw her bag onto the kitchen island before moving to the refrigerator to find a drink for the two of them. Chaewon acted like she owned the place, and Eunbi figured the Joyuriz hung out often. While Eunbi was busy examining the rest of the room, Chaewon came back with two cans of Sprite in her hand.

Eunbi smiled brightly, pleased at her junior’s memory.

“You’ll have the apartment for yourself for quite a while. Yulyen is out filming a variety show near Yuri’s hometown in Busan. I didn’t really think they’d do variety shows, but Yena is too good to keep her off TV.”

“Well, it’ll be lonely, but I’ll make do. So who’s room am I borrowing?” Eunbi asked, making herself comfortable on the couch.

“The guestroom,” Chaewon replies, turning on the TV and browsing the channels.

“I thought this was a 2 bedroom?”

“Oh yeah, well they share a room.”

“Oh really? I would think with such a nice apartment they would really want their own spaces.”

Chaewon smiled mischievously. “Unnie, they’re a couple. They share a bed.”

Eunbi immediately turned red and choked on her soda. Chaewon laughed while Eunbi struggled to catch her breath. Eunbi slapped Chaewon’s shoulder. “You could’ve told me ahead of time. Damn that Yena, going too fast. I’m gonna have to have words with her again.”

“Yeah good luck with that,” Chaewon jests. “Those two have been getting busy ever since Yuri became of age.”

“And now I don’t want to stay here anymore. Chaewon, just let me stay in your dorm with your members please!” Eunbi jokingly begged. The women laughed heartily, easily slipping into their usual dynamic. They continued to talk over the sounds of some variety show until it was time to order dinner.

Eunbi was browsing the delivery options while Chaewon investigated the kitchen.

“By the way,” Chaewon begins, looking at Yena’s supply of ramen. “Are you doing anything tomorrow?”

Eunbi looks up, shaking her head. “No, I was just going to relax the rest of the day and then maybe hit up the group chat.”

“Well,” Chaewon starts, returning to the couch emptyhanded. “If you don’t have any plans yet, you can take this.” Chaewon passed over a ticket. Eunbi took, and was surprised to see it was an admission to the upcoming MCountdown show.

“Our maknaes are having their first comeback, and I think they would love to see their eldest unnie again,” Chaewon slyly informs. Eunbi, biting back a sarcastic retort, smiles at the prospect of seeing the center and puppy again.


	3. Chapter 3

MCountdown is as crowded as ever, Eunbi notes. There’s a huge din throughout the venue, and bright lightsticks sprinkle the otherwise shadow-covered crowds. The energy of the fans infects Eunbi, and although she is not as familiar with many of the groups performing today, she cheers along regardless. After all, she was in their position before. She knows how important the fans are to even the nugu groups. So many times, when Eunbi was tired or down, all it took were WIZ*ONEs singing or chanting her name to revitalize her spirit.

As a former idol herself, she wanted to support all of the groups as much as possible.

Eunbi was so into cheering and learning every fanchant, that she almost didn’t notice the Starship group come on. But all of the sudden, Wonyoung made her appearance at the center of the group, and Eunbi was rendered speechless.

At a young age, Wonyoung handled the role of center effectively. She smiled at all the right times, and was always performing at high standards. But this Wonyoung was something else. She still had those moments where she was the cute maknae Eunbi fondly FaceTimed. But this Wonyoung was capable of more mature performances that IZ*ONE’s maknae wasn’t allowed to do.

This Wonyoung was alluring, and Eunbi smiled with pride. This was what peak Wonyoung looked like.

The formation shifted, and Yujin took away Eunbi’s attention. The puppy had also matured, and Eunbi was blown away by the improvement in vocal and dance techniques Yujin was exhibiting. Yujin was always incredibly talented, and Eunbi always thought that Yujin could compete with the rest of the ace line if she were a bit older. Watching her now, Eunbi made a note to herself to ask Yujin what role she was supposed to fill in the group. Because she was doing it all.

The rest of the Starship girls were incredible, and Eunbi couldn’t help but pout at how tall every single one of them were. It was a catchy song, and Eunbi nodded along to the beats. The concept was fairly solid too: not too cute and not too mature. Wonyoung did well with this concept, utilizing her flexible proficiency at both cute and sexy. Yujin kept up with both as well, and her high notes were admirable.

Before she knew it, the performance was over. Eunbi cheered enthusiastically, hoping to get the attention of the maknaes. She swore some girls next to her gave her a judgmental look. Yujin looked over and made eye contact. Her eye smile and big grin were as adorable as ever. Yujin made a brief motion, indicating to Eunbi to meet her backstage.

Eunbi quickly left the crowd and headed backstage. Thankfully, Chaewon’s ticket allowed her through security. She wandered around until she found the Starship waiting room. Before entering, she took a moment to brace herself. Not mentally. Physically.

The moment Eunbi opened the door, Yujin flew forward and lifted Eunbi off of the ground. Despite Yujin finally reaching the age of adulthood, the woman was still filled with energy.

“Unnie! It’s been so long!” Yujin exclaimed joyfully, nearly throwing Eunbi into the air in glee.

“Yah yah! Put me down, Ahn Yujin!” Eunbi scolded.

Yujin threw in one more spin before putting down a shrieking Eunbi. The former leader took a moment to punish Yujin with a light punch before she was then jumped on by Wonyoung. The rest of the girls in the waiting room simply smiled, and gave polite greetings to Eunbi once she had managed to escape the clutches of Wonyoung and Yujin.

“Oh my god…” Eunbi says, catching her breath. “I swear to god if you guys weren’t so large I would have a fighting chance.”

“You came!” Wonyoung said happily ignoring Eunbi’s complaint. “You look great!”

Eunbi laughed. “I’m not the one who went through makeup for an hour. You guys look so mature and hot. Where did my cute babies go?”

“Hey, hey! We’re grown-ups now!” Yujin says, fist-pumping in an adorable manner.

“Well, you’ll always be my kids,” Eunbi says, forcing the two to duck down as they were trapped in headlocks. They both protested loudly, but Eunbi could see their eager smiles and knew they were as happy to be half choked as Eunbi was to strangle them.

“And congrats on your first win earlier this week! I can tell this is the first of many!”

“Yes! Everyone worked so hard. I totally get the motherly pride thing now unnie,” Wonyoung boasted.

“Well we would’ve won sooner, but we had to debut and go up against Chaeyeon-unnie’s comeback. And she’s already a monster, beating that new SM girl group,” Yujin adds.

“She made you food almost everyday for like two years, I think you can let her have that one,” Wonyoung teases. Yujin has no choice but to agree. The trio laughed. “So unnie, what did you think? Did you notice any mistakes? Anything I could do better?”

Eunbi was a little surprised. “You’re asking me for pointers? You know I haven’t even been on stage since our last concert!”

“But you’re still Eunbi-unnie, our leader and ace!” Yujin jumps in. The young duo looked at Eunbi as if she had never left: the same level of admiration and search for affirmation was evident in their intent gazes.

“Honestly, you guys were amazing! It’s incredible how much the two of you had gotten better. Wonyoung, you were so captivating as center! I could rarely take my eyes off of you when you were in front. And Yujin! Your vocals have become so much more stable. That high note was fantastic!”

Wonyoung and Yujin looked at one another, with seemingly neutral expressions.

“Well, if Eunbi-unnie says so, then it must be true,” Yujin relented.

“But I think, Yujin-unnie, that your expressions need a little work. You were so cool during the bridge, but I think dancing that hard makes you forget about maintaining a smile.”

“That’s fair,” Yujin admits quickly. “Speaking of dancing though, you really need to keep up the intensity when you’re not center! I know you got lazy during the second pre-chorus!”

Wonyoung nodded in agreement, and the two quickly got into a discussion on how best to keep up their energy throughout a performance.

Eunbi was surprised to hear them be so critical of one another. But she was even more shocked to see no signs of either girl being upset at the other’s analysis. And Eunbi realized that while the two had obviously grown stronger in technique, their drive was also larger than before. Maybe it was because they were still young, but Eunbi could literally feel how seriously they took idol life.

_They’re so intense! _Eunbi thought. _These Starship kids are insane!_

Before the conversation got any further, Eunbi rolled up her sleeves, and lightly smacked both girls on the back of their heads.

“OW! Unnie, why?” Yujin whined. Wonyoung pouted as well, and the two quickly reverted back to their childish personalities that Eunbi was familiar with.

“You two don’t need to overanalyze every little detail. Today was great, and clearly everyone else thought so. If you guys stay focused, it’s pretty easy to see you guys will nail every performance. You need to think bigger picture! How do you take that first win, and grow your group!”

Eunbi’s advice seemed to have caught the Starship duo off-guard, and they quickly forgot their previous talk in favor of asking Eunbi more about making the most of their win. And though Eunbi felt a small amount of imposter syndrome, considering she had been out of kpop for the last year or two, she could never say no to Wonyoung pleading for anything.

Eventually, Eunbi had to let the two idols go, to celebrate with their members and prepare for the next day. Wonyoung and Yujin hugged Eunbi tightly, making the eldest promise to see them again soon after their promotions for a proper reunion. Eunbi was again reminded of how wonderfully the two had matured since her vacation.

_I deserve a pat in the back for raising these two kids,_ Eunbi thought, physically patting herself on the back. Even if she was eventually forgotten, Eunbi was happy to see that the two youngest members of IZ*ONE were well prepared and eager to continue their careers. There was something about a second chance that really invigorated you. Eunbi’s experience really shone during Produce, and now she was seeing Yujin and Wonyoung take their skills to higher heights.

Looking at them now, Eunbi imagined that that was what she looked like when she debuted in IZ*ONE. Taking nothing for granted, and prepared to do everything to go even just a single step further than she had on her first debut.

But now, she was idling about, trying to find something to keep her going. Eunbi deflated a little at that thought. _Well, I’ll find something eventually. Now, what am I gonna do tonight. Sleep early? Watch a show?_

As she was walking out of the venue, her eyes fell upon an advertisement for a recently airing drama. Eunbi smiled at the sight of the female lead, looking gorgeous and ethereal. _Well, I think I know who I want to visit next_.

…

A long-haired woman stood in front of a truck. It was a coffee truck, sent by her unnie, back when she was a member of a popular Kpop group. She took a deep breath, reveling in the smell of fresh coffee on the morning of her shoot. It was an unexpected present, but when you had 11 other successful best friends, it was pretty common to see a coffee truck show up.

What was even more unexpected, was when that unnie came out from the passenger side of the coffee truck. The woman gasped in shock, before running over to give her unnie a big hug.

Eunbi smiled. She enthusiastically returned the embrace. “I missed you too, Minju.”


	4. Chapter 4

Eunbi watched silently from the side as Minju filmed her scene. It was a romantic setting, with an amusement park in the background. The two leads were flirting and slowly melting the ice that existed between them after terrible first impressions. Minju pretends to shiver, having not worn her coat. The man wordlessly shrugs off his own jacket and hands it to Minju.

“You’re so silly, forgetting your coat at home. I’ll let you borrow mine, just this once,” he says, finishing with a wink. Minju, biting back a smile, turns away. Eunbi unconsciously smiles. Minju’s expressions were so natural, but Eunbi has seen Minju practice every possible expression in front of the mirrors at their dorm. She’s worked harder than anyone else in IZ*ONE to bring her skills up to par. And it was clear that she had not skipped out on her acting chops. 

The duo continue to flirt. Minju cycles through a series of cautious, yet hopeful moods that convey apprehension: they reflect the inner turmoil of a woman unsure if the man she’s speaking with is someone she could give her heart to. But the man’s bravado and sincerity are slowly winning her over. Minju’s body language gradually opens up. Eunbi appreciates all of the finer adjustments Minju performs to convince viewers of the genuine chemistry that is brewing between the two leads.

Finally, the duo leave the scene and walk away from the frame until the director calls cut. “That was good! Let’s end it for now. Everyone is free to go, but be sure to return by around 4 PM, so we can get the necessary scenes during sunset!”

Everyone shouts their gratitude and starts to pack up. Minju bows to her co-star, and then runs over to Eunbi.

“Unnie! What’d you think?” Minju, even after leaving IZ*ONE, was still looking for Eunbi’s approval. In that way, Minju reminded Eunbi a lot of the maknaes: always eager to improve and looking to the unnies for guidance.

“It was really convincing!” Eunbi reassured. “I wanted to vomit with how lovey-dovey you were with that guy.” Minju turned her head and squinted her eyes, unsure of whether this was a compliment or diss. But Eunbi laughed and Minju smiled in relief. “So are you dating him?” Eunbi suddenly asks.

Minju’s eyes grow comically wide. “What?! No! I barely know him!”

Eunbi laughed heartily while a pouting Minju pulled on Eunbi’s sleeve in a vain attempt to get her to stop.

“I might’ve missed this the most when I was abroad,” Eunbi continues teasing.

“Please unnie! IZ*ONE ended years ago, and I’m still getting clowned on like the group never disbanded!”

The duo, still laughing, left the set to go to a remote coffeeshop nearby. Entering the venue, Minju requested the farthest booth, away from any windows. Though Eunbi preferred to be able to see outside and people watch, she understood Minju’s choice. The woman was quickly rising in popularity, and privacy in public spaces was becoming a rare luxury for the actress. If anything, it reminded Eunbi of having to be discreet while a member of IZ*ONE.

“Sorry we have to sit so far back,” Minju apologized.

“No, I get it,” Eunbi smiles. “I had to do it a few times when I was visiting the US and Southeast Asia. Though I imagine it’s even rougher for you, miss rookie of the year.”

Minju blushed and looked down. But the smile she wore displayed her satisfaction.

“It really helps when you have two and a half years of IZ*ONE publicity beforehand. And a great leader of course.”

Eunbi smirked and ruffled Minju’s hair. “You and everybody else I’ve met keeps telling me that. I’m gonna have to start collecting some compensation at some point.”

“You’ll have enough to retire early then.”

“Hmm I guess that’s an idea.” Eunbi stared at her coffee. “Though that’s only gonna make me feel old.”

“Unnie, you are old!” Minju stuck her tongue out, and Eunbi quickly pinched it. Minju fell back in shock, hands covering her mouth and her eyes wide. Eunbi stuck her own tongue out in return, and Minju whined again. Part of Eunbi was struck by how this childish woman had managed to grow into such a renowned professional in the acting world. It felt like Eunbi had missed some step in between IZ*ONE disbanding and Minju booking her first acting gig.

“Actually, I think you’re the perfect person to ask this!” Eunbi realized. “I’m looking for some career advice. So I was curious about why you decided to go into acting?”

Minju stood up straighter, and it quickly became evident that Minju had been hoping for an opportunity like this. “Oh unnie, I’m so happy you came to me for help! To be honest, it was always kinda the plan.” Minju tucked her hair behind her ear, and put on a very satisfied face. Honestly, Eunbi could not tell if it was actually a planned move or if Minju was making it up to look impressive. “Go on Produce, get some experience and maybe some fans, and then translate that momentum into an acting career. Instead, I made it into the group and I had my acting debut followed by thousands. It was really the perfect situation for me.”

“Hmm that makes sense. But why not try to be an idol? You improved so rapidly! By the end, you could’ve easily joined another group and done well!”

Minju blushed from the effusive praise. “Aw Eunbi-unnie, you’re exaggerating. I could never dance or sing as well as you could.”

“But you could keep up with all of these kids nowadays,” Eunbi insists. “You’re telling me that you didn’t at least consider sticking with idol life?”

Minju took a sip of her coffee, mulling it over. “Of course I did. It was the hardest years of my life, but also the happiest ones. But let’s be realistic. I can’t dance like Chaeyeon, or sing like Yuri, entertain like Yena, or do all of the above like Yujin. Ultimately, it was the smarter career move. In my opinion.”

Eunbi pinched the bridge of her nose. “Ugh, I’m so tired of making smart career choices. That’s why I left for so long. So I could avoid those decisions for as long as possible.”

Laughing loudly, Minju removed Eunbi’s hand from her nose and laid it on the table. She lightly drew circles on Eunbi’s palm, and Eunbi felt herself relaxing thanks to the younger’s actions.

“But that’s why you’re back, right? To make a career move. Don’t stress too much unnie. You’re good at everything! Just pick something and try it out! At worst, you could always just do something else.”

Eunbi, resigned, laid her head on the table in front of them.

“I really don’t know where all this faith is coming from. I’ve spent all this time abroad but I haven’t gotten any closer to deciding what I want to do next. I don’t exactly have the same resources or backing that I’ve had in the past. I’ve really hit a wall Minju. This has never been a problem before! Why can’t I find kpop as fun as I used to?”

Instead of giving a quick encouragement, Minju took a moment to consider her next words carefully.

“I think it’s natural to hit walls in life,” Minju spoke after a minute of thought. “Whether they be limits, people, or something else entirely. And we think that we need to steer clear of them to grow or progress. But sometimes you hit walls for a reason. They’re just parts of our journeys after all.

“So I think you’ve hit a wall unnie. And I know that you could climb over it if you wanted to. You’re amazing like that. But I think there’s nothing wrong with taking another path. I think you can do anything if you put your mind to it.”

Eunbi smiled teasingly. “Which cheesy drama did you pull those lines from?”

Minju rolled her eyes. “Sometimes I can be inspirational too! It was hard to say stuff when Yena was always interrupting with some dumb comments! Honestly she and Yujin never let me say more than a few sentences before shouting ‘Minju again!’

“You keep insisting that I could keep being an idol. And that means a lot, coming from you. But I really love acting unnie. I had a brief detour from what I wanted to do, but I found my way eventually. If you keep an open mind, you’ll find something you’ll love to do again. You’re gonna be alright.”

Thankful for the reassurance, Eunbi was content to relax in silence for a moment. She wanted to soak in what Minju had said. About being open to other avenues and accepting that she had found herself in a moment of uncertainty. _Acceptance_ _is probably the first step_, Eunbi thought. _Might as well start with something_.

Eunbi, out of the corner of her eye, spotted one of the custodians cleaning up a mess on the floor. She smirked evilly and made eye contact with an oblivious Minju.

“Hey, you ready to head back out? Wouldn’t want you to miss your scene.”

“Yeah, let me finish this coffee.”

“Cool, and once you’re done, you should clean up.”

Minju didn’t seem to react at first, but when she looked up and saw Eunbi sporting a shit-eating grin, the memory dawned on her. And her face rapidly transformed into one of horror, instantly reliving months of teasing.

“UNNIE!”

…

Eunbi came back to the apartment. Noting that Yulyen had yet to come home, she made herself comfortable by taking out a Sprite from the fridge and settling onto the couch. Though it was fun to catch up with Minju, coming with the coffee truck meant that she had been up for 18 hours.

_Guess I really am not as young as I used to be,_ Eunbi thought, listlessly lying down on the couch. Just as she was about to fall asleep, her phone beeped. She lazily rolled over and saw that she had a single text.

“_Hey, do you wanna dance tomorrow?_”


	5. Chapter 5

Eunbi, dressed appropriately in shorts and a sleeveless shirt, entered the dance room. In the center, Chaeyeon danced effortlessly to a song that Eunbi had never heard before. Chaeyeon wore long sweatpants and a fitted tank top. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail using a pink scrunchie that reminded Eunbi of a cherry blossom. In the mirror, her eyes flashed to Eunbi briefly before focusing back on herself.

Eunbi, already used to Chaeyeon’s concentration during dance practices, opted to just sit down and start some stretches. Looking at Chaeyeon’s rapid movements, Eunbi suspected she’d need it.

The song finally ended, and Chaeyeon held her ending pose. Eunbi clapped enthusiastically. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you dance. And I forgot how beautiful it was to see it in person!”

Chaeyeon turned around, smiling, and ran over to embrace Eunbi.

“It’s so good to see you unnie!” The feather-like woman was beaming.

“I’m happy to see you again too! You look amazing! As expected of Korea’s top soloist!”

Chaeyeon blushed effusively. “I’m not the top soloist! There are plenty of other really great artists right now.”

“Yeah, yeah, save the humble act for the press.”

“Well…I guess I am the best dancer amongst soloists.”

The duo laughed.

…

They had been dancing for a few hours. Eunbi’s joints ached from the brutal de-rusting procedure Chaeyeon had put her through. The former had insisted on practicing all of IZ*ONE’s old title tracks; she was worried that now that she had returned to Korea, she would be expected to participate in a reunion performance at some point. And while she had kept up with some dancing and singing on her travels, there wasn’t any substitute for a hardcore practice.

Eunbi finally collapsed on the floor, too tired to keep moving. Chaeyeon laughed loudly and ran to get Eunbi a towel and bottle of water.

“I’m getting too old for this,” Eunbi wheezes as she greedily drinks from the water Chaeyeon hands her. “I can’t believe I used to do this all the time. These angles for Violeta are brutal.”

“Unnie, don’t be so hard on yourself! You’ve still got it!” Chaeyeon enthusiastically cheered.

Eunbi smiled. Inwardly, she breathed a huge sigh of relief. After all, idol life had been all she had known for half of her life. To lose those skills would’ve devastated her.

The two were content to sit against the mirror, catching their breaths.

“Honestly, I don’t know how you haven’t gotten tired of this. You’ve basically been on TV performing since I debuted with Ye-A,” Eunbi commented.

“Well, it’s what I love doing,” Chaeyeon answered nonchalantly. “Wasn’t that why all of us became idols?” She turned to look at Eunbi. “Isn’t that why you did it for so long too?”

Eunbi swallowed. “I wonder.”

Chaeyeon’s inquisitive face softened. “I’m guessing you’re asking because you’re still unsure. For yourself I mean.”

Eunbi giggled. “I see your motherly senses are as sharp as ever.” Chaeyeon just continued to stare silently. “Yeah, I guess I’ve been thinking about what I’m gonna do next. No kids to watch over. No company watching over me. I’ve got nowhere to go right now. What kind of job do you think I could get? I guess I could try choreographing or managing. Those are things I’m familiar with.” Eunbi was rambling, feeling the need to fill the emptiness that Chaeyeon’s silence had created.

“Unnie,” Chaeyeon finally jumped in. “You’re not being completely honest with yourself. You know it’d be super easy to comeback. Even if you’re out of practice, your dance moves are still better than a lot of idols out there now. In fact, I think you’d make a great soloist. But that’s only if you wanted it.”

“Aren’t you just being a sweetheart as always?” Eunbi pinched Chaeyeon’s cheek. The latter protested softly, removing Eunbis’ fingers and rubbing the targeted spot.

“I’m serious unnie. Everything is still there. Maybe we can’t do anything too extreme like that time we tried to recreate SPEED’s choreo.” Eunbi had a brief flashback to Yena insisting the maknaes throw her into the air over Chaeyeon. Yena had nearly broken her leg and Wonyoung started crying. Hitomi did too, and she didn’t even participate. Eunbi had to scold and then comfort everybody involved for an hour.

“So why are you so afraid to go back to being an idol?” Chaeyeon continued. “It’s all you know, right?”

It was Eunbi’s turn to remain silent, mulling over Chaeyeon’s insinuation.

“It doesn’t take me anywhere,” Eunbi eventually admitted. Chaeyeon tilted her head in confusion. “I said it once before, right? At the end, I didn’t know why I wanted to keep doing this.”

Chaeyeon pondered for a moment. “Like you don’t have any goals?”

Eunbi tilted her head. True, she hadn’t thought of it that way. She had just been confused and annoyed at the lack of motivation and satisfaction. But rather than talking about symptoms, maybe Eunbi needed to seek the root of the problem. “I guess when you put it that way, that’s true.”

“It sounds like you’ve become one of our fans. Always obsessing over brand rankings, YouTube views, and records. But admittedly, it makes sense. Those tangible goals encourage engagement. Maybe you’re the same way. You need something to work towards.”

“Too bad that TWICE have set the bar so ridiculously high. I’d need an IZ*ONE reunion on steroids to come close to them.”

Chaeyeon giggles. “And given that they’re planning a comeback after like a year, even that record wouldn’t stand long. Anyways, it doesn’t even have to be tangible. Let’s just think about something more personal.”

“Maybe I should aim to beat you,” Eunbi teased, sticking her tongue out. Chaeyeon grins.

“I’m down! You could totally do it unnie! And then we can hang out every comeback!”

“You’re a little too eager for a rival.”

“Well you turned down my offer to form a duo as a part of WM. Let me get the next best thing!”

Eunbi lightly shoves Chaeyeon, causing the latter to roll over laughing. Now that Eunbi thought about it, Chaeyeon was exceptionally tenacious. After all these years, Chaeyeon had yet to stop grinding. To keep wanting to pursue life as an idol, even after such a bumpy road, was admirable and unbelievable. Chaeyeon could probably start a class for trainees on how to make it in the industry.

“Hey, it worked out! You’re easily the soloist of the year. If anything you should thank me.” Eunbi crossed her arms and Chaeyeon sat back up.

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks for forcing me to debut again alone.” Eunbi tried to push Chaeyeon again, but the feather learned and put enough space in between them.

“Please, you debuted for that exact reason. Me and the rest of the girls all suspected you went solo so you wouldn’t have to cook and feed people anymore.”

Instead of the normal, raucous laughter that Eunbi was familiar with, Chaeyeon remained calm. “Have I ever told you why I went solo?”

The question caught Eunbi off-guard. “Was there a reason beyond your label telling you to do it?”

“I asked for it actually. I know everyone sees me as a motherly figure and you always said I’d make a good leader. But I wanted the chance at something new. I totally get that it’s not always easy to stay motivated. I kinda had the same epiphany that you did. But different too. The crowds and love from the fans are things I still want. But I looked into myself and felt dissatisfied.

“I could still do better. And I grew so much thanks to you and the rest of IZ*ONE. I needed new challenges. New ways to push myself. And I guess going solo was what I needed. And I’ve learned a lot! It really made me appreciate how incredible everyone was at their jobs. Yujin with MC-ing. Yena with variety. Hyewon with…attracting fans with her weirdness. Your responsibility. Everyone contributed, and I had to learn how to do it all on my own.

“I set new goals for myself. And I was rewarded with growth that I’m super proud of. Maybe it’s not a new record, but it’s a personal achievement. That’s what drives me nowadays.”

Eunbi took a moment to think about Chaeyeon’s story. Maybe there was some sense in that outlook. For the past year, Eunbi had been worried about what occupation to pursue when she returned. But she hadn’t taken the time to think about why she no longer found singing and dancing for a living as fulfilling as she used to. Her slump could be due to a lack of personal growth.

_Maybe this isn’t as weird of a problem as I thought_, Eunbi internally rationalized. _Maybe I’m just having my midlife crisis two decades too early._

“That makes a lot of sense. And to be fair, I’ve never seen you so confident in yourself.” Chaeyeon puffed her chest out dramatically, causing Eunbi to chuckle. “So what’s next on the horizon for the great Lee Chaeyeon?

Chaeyeon’s eyes widened and she sat up nervously. “Well, some awards would be nice…we never won a daesang so I guess I’m working towards that…”

A skeptical eyebrow was raised in response. “Really? After that whole speech about personal goals?” Chaeyeon, caught lying, turned her face away. But Eunbi could easily tell how embarrassed Chaeyeon was by the latter’s red ears.

“Okay fine. I want to debut in Japan,” Chaeyeon whispered.

A pause. “…huh?” It was Eunbi’s turn to twist her head curiously. 

“I want to make it to Japan,” Chaeyeon said more firmly. “I’m sure the loftier goal is to become famous internationally. But right now, I’m really focused on debuting in Japan. I’ve been perfecting my Japanese and really learning about the music trends there. Besides, there are…fans waiting for me there. I want to make sure the fans who supported IZ*ONE’s Japanese career get some love too.” Chaeyeon absentmindedly fiddled with her scrunchie.

Eunbi gave a knowing grin. “Yeah, that’s right. We did have quite a following there. I’m sure they miss the infamous feather of IZ*ONE. Given how popular you are nowadays, I’m sure you’ll be debuting there soon.”

“Thanks unnie. But back to the point, there were new challenges I wanted to overcome as a soloist. And over time, I feel like those motivations have become less related to milestones and more fixated on personal desires. You’ve still got the stuff to succeed as an idol. But maybe the motivation you’re looking for isn’t tied to that life.”

“Ugh,” Eunbi groaned, lying flat on the floor. “I don’t know if that’s made anything clearer in my head.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re close too.” Chaeyeon comfortingly puts a hand on Eunbi’s shoulder. “You’ve diagnosed the problem. We’ll find the solution eventually.”

“We?” Eunbi asked, surprised.

“Of course. Me and all of the other girls. We’ll help you figure this out. You can always rely on us!”

Eunbi cheerily smiled and pulled the younger in for a hug. “You’re all sweaty and gross, but I think you deserve a hug for that pep talk.”

“You say that, but I think you’re definitely the sweatier one,” Chaeyeon retorted. Before Eunbi could retaliate, Chaeyeon’s infectious laugh lifted the tense atmosphere. And Eunbi relaxed in response to the familiar sound.

“Oh and unnie,” Chaeyeon said, releasing Eunbi from the hug. She went to the corner of the room, where she pulled out a large Tupperware container. Eunbi was surprised at the sudden amount of food. Chaeyeon eagerly forced the container into Eunbi’s arms.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Eunbi asked in confusion.

Chaeyeon laughed merrily. “I guess you’ve forgotten some things. You can’t expect to meet Hyewon empty-handed, right?”


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn’t as luxurious of an apartment as Yulyen’s, but Hyewon’s apartment was still fairly large.

“I know you’re a popular model, but you really make enough money to afford this place?” Eunbi asked, staring wide-eyed at the obnoxiously full kitchen and expensive gaming setup.

Hyewon, who plopped herself on the couch with a box of Pocky, shrugged. “It’s mostly the YouTube videos that pay for this place. I also don’t see the point of getting anything bigger. Anyways, I can’t believe the first thing you say to me, after our first meeting in over a year, is a criticism of my lifestyle. Such a mom.”

Eunbi chuckled nervously. “Well it has been a while. So is this where you record?” She walked over to the gaming corner, where there was a large camera and several monitors. “Is everything here really just to record?”

Hyewon walked over, draping herself across Eunbi’s shoulders in the process. _Still as clingy as ever_, Eunbi thought.

“Yeah, well this is kind of my everything station. I can record narration, stream, and play games. Sometimes I do all of them simultaneously.”

Following the end of IZ*ONE, Hyewon had done a little bit of modeling. Considering how often she was complimented for her visuals, it seemed like the right choice. And while she was able to get a few gigs, she still struggled to capture some of the more expressive countenances that directors demanded of her. Unlike Minju, who was almost too expressive, Hyewon didn’t like to overexaggerate and preferred to keep a more neutral and serious face.

So modeling was paying the bills, but Hyewon didn’t find it fulfilling. Instead, Hyewon decided to turn to marketing another popular facet from her IZ*ONE days: her 4D personality. It was Sakura’s suggestion. Hyewon made some gaming videos, and then did some spontaneous vlogs. Between her hilarious comments and unabashed weirdness, Hyewon was able to quickly garner a following on platforms like Twitch and YouTube.

Though she still accepted a few modeling and advertisement opportunities, Hyewon devoted herself to building a loyal, online audience. And now, she could freely be herself without having to force herself to conform to the standards that Kpop and modeling upheld.

Or as Nako more eloquently put it: “She literally gets paid to be do the dumb shit we did in Vlives.”

“You’re truly living the dream. I imagine you even have Sakura jealous with your career being so closely tied to gaming.”

Hyewon giggled. “Please, that girl has been so busy on purpose. It’s always a treat whenever she has the time to play with me and Yena. Literally. I get so many views when I get to put out a video featuring any of the ex-IZ*ONE members. They’re really eager for a reunion.”

“Of course. Our fans are quite loyal. I was honestly afraid so many of them would move on, but it turns out to be the opposite problem. They won’t let go. I really want to give them something to show my appreciation. Maybe a dance video in a week, after I get used to Chaeyeon’s torturous practices.”

“Hmm, I think I have an idea,” Hyewon starts, giving Eunbi a mischievous look. Eunbi quickly experienced a flashback depicting all the times Hyewon gave her that look before going on a rampage on their old livestreams. Hyewon unwraps herself, and moves to start up her computer.

“Do you want to do a video with me?”

…

“Hi everybody! This is Kwangbae here! I’m back with another mukbang video. But before we begin, I’d like to introduce my very special guest. You might remember her as the legendary leader of IZ*ONE. It’s Kwon Eunbi!”

Eunbi nervously waved both of her hands, looking straight into the camera. “Cuuute,” Hyewon cheered, shaking her fist. Hyewon’s action caused Eunbi to laugh, helping her relax.

_It’s just like one of your Vlives, chill out Eunbi!_

“Eunbi-unnie has been away for a while, but she’s agreed to make a special appearance! And why? Well, it had to be for something special.” Hyewon reveals Chaeyeon’s food. “And it is! Even leader-unnie missed Chaeyeon’s infamous cooking. I thought it’d be fun if we eat Chaeyeon’s food while talking about her latest comeback.”

“That’s right!” Eunbi jumps in. “She’s such a perfectionist, yet she still found time to make you food. Don’t you think that’s a bit much?” 

“It’s because Chaeyeon loves me too much. I wish unnie would give me some of her cooking sometime now that you’re back from traveling.”

“Aish, you’re as greedy as ever Kwangbae…I’ll treat you sometime as an apology for taking so long to return.”

Hyewon faced the camera and cheered, shaking her fists energetically. “You hear that guys? Looks like we’ve got another mukbang video lined up. Oh! We could make it a cooking video instead! You’ll have to come over again and I can film you cooking!”

“Yah, stop making every hangout of ours into a ploy for money!”

“The bills don’t pay themselves unnie!”

The rest of the recording went fairly well. Hyewon was always very playful, and Eunbi found herself slipping into a comfortable conversation. By the end, she had forgotten about the camera entirely. It helped that Chaeyeon’s food was to die for, and the duo could not stop heaping praise on it.

…

“Awesome, thanks again to “Eunbi-unnie for joining me! If you guys want to see more, please like, comment, and subscribe! I hate saying it too but it works. Bye!” Hyewon waves and Eunbi copies her. Hyewon sees Eunbi imitating her and starts laughing loudly before stopping the recording. “Unnie you’re too cute.”

Eunbi pushed Hyewon lightly. “Yah! Stop teasing me for your own enjoyment and income!”

Hyewon ignored Eunbi’s plea, and focused briefly on preparing some backup copies and doublechecking that her audio recorded. Eunbi got up to grab some Sprite for the two of them. When she returned from her fridge excursion, Hyewon already had numerous applications open on her monitor.

“Wow, that looks really complicated. I didn’t know you could edit,” Eunbi marveled.

Hyewon shrugs half-heartedly. “Just the tools of the trade. If I want to be as independent as possible, I gotta be able to do even this much.”

“Sounds like a fair trade-off,” Eunbi agrees. She pulls up a chair next to Hyewon and sips on her Sprite while Hyewon quickly begins cutting and moving clips. The duo are quiet for a bit, the silence only being interrupted by Hyewon finding amusing sound bites of Eunbi.

As Hyewon was zooming in on Eunbi’s face for a comical moment, Eunbi broke the silence. “So do I have potential as a YouTuber?”

“Of course. You’re too cute unnie,” Hyewon replies without even looking away.

“Hyewon, I’m serious!”

Hyewon pauses her editing and turns to Eunbi. “Unnie, you could probably do anything you wanted to. If you want to be a YouTuber, there’s no doubt in my mind that you could be one. You just gotta relax a bit.”

“Relax?” Eunbi asked, confused. “I think I’m pretty relaxed. A relaxed person would do exactly what I did. I’m so relaxed. I’ve done nothing but be relaxed for a year!”

Hyewon smirked, and Eunbi realized she failed to prove her point. “Okay, so maybe I’m a bit of the serious type. Maybe there’s value in the market for someone who is a no-jam.”

“It’s not that you’re a no-jam. It’s…hmm how do I describe it?” Hyewon put a hand on her chin thoughtfully. “You’re fun when you’re with us, unnie. But when you have to do anything, it’s like you slip into leader mode.”

“Well, I was your leader!”

“_Was!_ Now, you’re just…unemployed.” Hyewon starts laughing again and Eunbi pouts. She briefly has the urge to push Hyewon out of her chair, but decides against it considering how expensive most of her computer equipment looked. And admittedly Hyewon was right: she was unemployed, and as a result did not have the money to replace anything she broke.

“Well like I was saying: I’m in the market for a new job. You seem to be really enjoying this one.”

Hyewon nods eagerly. “Yup! It suits me. Not being under a label is so refreshing. I mean, I already didn’t give too many craps to begin with. But now I can give even less. And as for you…I mean, I’m sure Chaeyeon already told you, but you have the talent and drive to do anything.”

Eunbi scratches her head. “Yeah, and while I appreciate the praise, it doesn’t quite give me…direction.”

“Hmm,” Hyewon ponders. “Well looking at it from my point of view, I’ve only really interacted closely with a few professions. Models, managers, idols, and YouTubers. You’re really beautiful, but I don’t think you’re the type of person to enjoy model type work. Too much standing still.”

“Yeah, I always hated the hours we would spend getting ready just to stand around while getting some photos taken.”

“Precisely. You’re obviously not too interested in idol life anymore.” Eunbi briefly flashed back to her time with Chaeyeon, and suspected that that wasn’t as true as it was prior to that meeting. “I guess that leaves you with a manager. I could always use one of those.” Hyewon smirked and Eunbi, with some restraint, lightly pushed Hyewon’s rolling chair away. The YouTuber shrieked before regaining her balance.

“Maybe I will take you up on that offer just so I can keep empty your head of all this hot air!” Eunbi threatened.

Hyewon pretended to cower. “Oh no! Please spare me from more nagging!” She burst into laughter again and Eunbi could feel the start of a headache coming on. Now she remembered what it was like to deal with ten of these crackheads for two and a half years. Everyone except Hitomi. Hitomi was an angel.

“But in all seriousness, the reason I kinda worry about your career as a YouTuber, or a content creator in general, is the how much of your life has been spent being an idol.”

“I don’t follow?”

“Think about how great of an idol you were. Sure, maybe the first time it didn’t go well. But by the time Produce rolled around, you were easily one of the favorites. You had years of training, years of experience, and a huge leg up on the rest of us. That’s why I think you’d make a great manager: you know better than almost everyone else what it takes to do well and endure as an idol.

“But that’s also why I would err on the side of caution if you want to do something else. You’re not set up for success anymore. You’re going in blind like I did going into Produce. You’d make it out no problem: if I could somehow debut in IZ*ONE over people like Kaeun, you could make it in any career path. But you gotta be ready to adjust your mindset.”

Eunbi looked Hyewon in the eyes. She could see a sincerity and seriousness that was rarely on Hyewon’s face. And it became abundantly clear that Hyewon was speaking from experience: she had needed to do the same adaptations that she was cautioning Eunbi about. It reminded her of their first year together, where Hyewon had voraciously sought advice and assistance from the rest of the unnies. Pleading with Chaeyeon for dance instruction. Asking Chaewon on how to behave.

“You know better than anybody, right?” Eunbi finally acknowledged.

Hyewon gave a soft smile in return. “Like I said: if I could do it, you could do it too if you want.”

Eunbi leaned back in her chair, deep in thought. Hyewon had a valid point. It was obvious when you thought about it fundamentally, but Eunbi was truly appreciating how daunting the prospect of an entirely new job was. Evidently, her idol experience wasn’t going to be as applicable as she had hoped, judging by her stiffness in Hyewon’s video.

She hated to admit it, but maybe she had been a bit too arrogant in thinking she could easily transition into whatever career choice she wanted. And while everyone was assuring her that she could easily build herself for success, Hyewon was giving it to her straight. As she was, she lacked the education and skills other women her age would have due to her dedication to idol life.

If she planned to transition away from that, she had to think about it realistically. If she planned to be employed anytime soon, she should stay close. _Ugh, this just became a lot more confusing and serious!_

“Uh, Eunbi-unnie?” Hyewon waved a hand in front of Eunbi’s eyes. “You’ve been spacing out on me for a while now. Everything good?”

Eunbi blinked a few times before realizing that Hyewon had been talking. “What? Sorry, I was just mulling over your points. That’s certainly fair. I guess I’ve been so desperate to decide what to do next that I’ve been considering just about everything.”

“Like I said before, you could do anything you wanted to, and do well in it. After all, you’re Eunbi-unnie.” Hyewon nonchalantly states the last sentence as if it were just some law of nature that was justifying some abstract theory. Hyewon turns back to her computer and starts rapidly clicking, which signaled to Eunbi that the former wanted some time to edit. Eunbi moved back to the living room couch and decided to at least try and consider what a career managing an idol would be like.

…

Eunbi was rudely awoken by a cold can of Sprite to the face. Opening her eyes, she glared at Hyewon, who was still smirking. “Hope you had a good nap. I’m all finished editing. Thanks again for being in my video, unnie!” Hyewon looked delighted. “It’s gonna bring in so many views. I can already see the clickbait title right now. _IZ*ONE’s leader returns for soloist Chaeyeon’s food!”_ Hyewon did a dramatic arm sweep and Eunbi rolled her eyes.

“If this video gets you a lot of money, you better treat me!” Eunbi jokingly threatens. She raises a fist that Hyewon is quick to grab. The model opens Eunbi’s hand and places a piece of paper in it. Eunbi raises an eyebrow in confusion.

“Yeah, yeah, I already know how greedy you are. And I’ve prepared an appropriate gift. Enjoy your trip, unnie.”

Eunbi brought the paper closer to her face and gasped. “This must’ve cost a lot of money! I can’t just take this!”

Hyewon, still eating the last of the crumbs left in Chaeyeon’s Tupperware, just shook her head. “Nah, that video is gonna pay for that ticket many times over. Besides, I got pressure from a few of our members to make sure you go. They’ve been waiting just as long as we have, unnie. Go see them.”

Eunbi, realizing that Hyewon wouldn’t take no for an answer, held the ticket firmly and acquiesced. She moved closer to wrap Hyewon in a hug and thank her for the thoughtful gift. Hyewon gave a small nod without looking away from the plate she was finishing off.

_One ticket to Tokyo, Japan._


	7. Chapter 7

_Ah I’m so tired_, Eunbi thought, dragging herself to her hotel room. She had arrived in Japan after a few hours following her meeting with Hyewon. Unfortunately, none of the girls in Japan were available to house her. Hitomi and Nako were living in shared spaces with the rest of their members, and Sakura had been strangely quiet. Chaeyeon had assured Eunbi that the eldest Japanese member was exceptionally busy with her new drama, but Eunbi had the feeling it was one of Sakura’s silly pranks.

Eunbi secretly thanked God Jihyo that she hadn’t had to meet Yena and Sakura at the same time. The duo, when they weren’t bickering, were a force to be reckoned with when working together. There was one time they had pranked Minju by moving her mattress to the other dorm and convincing her that she had switched bodies with Wonyoung. That had been a messy morning and she had to reassure Minju for a week that she was still Minju.

She went to bed dreaming of similar, old IZ*ONE shenanigans.

The next day, she sat down at a café that was truly the definition of a hole in the wall: she had passed by it numerous times while searching for the meeting location, and there were very few patrons outside of an older Japanese man. While she had insisted to Chaewon that she travel on her own, Eunbi was starting to regret the decision. Her Japanese was only marginally better than it was when she was promoting.

Thankfully, she had found this café with a few English phrases that she could understand (mostly due to Wonyoung always mixing her Korean and English catchphrases), and sat down while trying to decide her next option. She was conflicted: did she want Nako and Hitomi to find her so that she could stop being lost? Or would she rather they not be aware of her difficulties in traveling, after spending over a year doing so by herself?

The question was wrestled away from her when Nako showed up inside, looking around curiously. Her eyes settled on Eunbi’s. Judging by the large smirk on Nako’s face, Eunbi had that familiar deer-in-headlights look. _This is gonna be a long one_, Eunbi thought.

…

Nako ended up bringing Eunbi to their agreed upon location: a small, different café with a more Instagram-like aesthetic. Hitomi stated that this was a more ideal meeting place for them since it was unlikely to encounter some of their fans at this kind of place.

“Nothing against them of course,” Hitomi is quicky to clarify. “It’s just that they don’t care about taking Instagram pictures as much as they do about liking ours.”

Eunbi chuckled. “No, don’t worry, I get it. We had to do our own fair amount of discreet outings back in the day.”

Nako crinkled her nose. “Unnie, don’t talk about IZ*ONE like it was so many years ago. It’s barely been two years.”

“Yeah, but you guys have all grown so much since then! It really feels like ages. Last I heard, you guys were both ranked on Senbatsu! Just like Sakura! That’s amazing!”

Hitomi and Nako smiled sheepishly. “It’s only because of IZ*ONE that we were able to have such a strong voting base. Nako’s wonderful, but I don’t think I would’ve gotten this far without WIZ*ONE…”

“Don’t say that Hitomi,” Nako quickly cut her off. “WIZ*ONE helped of course. But we both deserve those positions. Don’t mind her unnie, she’s just too modest for her own good as always.”

Hitomi’s response was a pout and Eunbi, instinctually, reached out to rub Hitomi’s cheeks. She kept pouting, but Hitomi allowed Eunbi to have her way. She was used to it after enduring others pinching her cheeks for two and a half years.

“Nako’s right. You guys both deserve all of the success you’ve achieved. You’re lucky to be there, but you could only get there by working so hard.”

Hitomi scratched her cheek sheepishly. “Yeah, you guys are totally right. It’s just hard to believe that we’ve come so far. But realistically, this is something that was a combined effort, right? We wouldn’t have gotten the chance to be on Produce without our own efforts. But it was the national producers who chose us.”

“Exactly,” Nako eagerly agrees. “It’s important to trust in your own abilities and also acknowledge others!”

Hitomi nods excitedly, and then looks straight into Eunbi’s eyes. Eunbi glances at Nako, only to find another strong pair of eyes staring back.

“…why does this seem prepared?” Eunbi asks suspiciously.

Nako and Hitomi make eye contact again before collapsing into a fit of giggles. In spite of the intention to mess with Eunbi, the former leader couldn’t help but smile, happy to see the J-line happy.

“Sorry unnie,” Hitomi manages to say in between laughs. “We’ve been informed of your troubles in our group chat.”

“Wait, there’s a group chat without me?” Eunbi asks.

“Yeah. It’s called ‘Eunbi’s hopes and dreams’” Nako reveals. “Chaeyeon started it. Yujin named it.”

Eunbi can’t do anything else but nod along. “Well, I guess I appreciate it.”

“We’re glad!” Hitomi exclaims. “It’s really exciting for all of us: it really feels like a chance for all of us to pay you back for being such a great leader and unnie for two and a half years!”

“Right, right!” Nako jumps in. “As such, we’ve joined the cause! Even here in Japan!”

Eunbi maintained a neutral expression. She wasn’t sure on how to react. On the one hand, her sentimental side was acting up and she was incredibly touched by how far her friends were willing to go for her.

_On the other hand_, Eunbi thought. _I can already feel another headache coming on. If Chaeyeon, Hyewon, Yena, or Sakura were involved, this is gonna be really annoying_.

While Eunbi ruminated, Hitomi’s jovial expression fell a bit. “Unnie,” Hitomi whined. “Are we being a bother instead? We can do something else if we’re just annoying you.” She gave Eunbi a powerful pout, and the older girl felt her own heart breaking.

_I don’t even know if she’s doing it on purpose or not! Damn you Honda Hitomi and your ridiculous puppy eyes!_

“No no no!” Eunbi rapidly shakes her hands, trying to physically dispel any doubt from Hitomi’s mind. “Of course I want your help! I’m glad I can always rely on you guys!”

Hitomi smiled again, blessing Eunbi with an adorable eye smile. Nako smirked.

_This little…_

“Alright, so hit me with your best advice guys,” Eunbi relents, crossing her arms. Hitomi and Nako, almost as if they didn’t expect to have gotten this far, went quiet. The duo furrowed their eyebrows in deep thought, while Eunbi decided to enjoy the crepe she had ordered.

“Oh! You can start by giving us a TL;DR!” Hitomi suggested.

“TLDR?” Eunbi asked, confused.

“It stands for too long, didn’t read. C’mon unnie, that’s basic Internet slang,” Nako teased, sticking her tongue out. Eunbi’s mature response was to return the gesture. “It means to give us a summary of what you’ve decided so far. You met all of the Korean members, right? What did you learn from them?”

“Well…it started with me being unsure what I want to do with the rest of my life. You know, typical midlife crisis stuff.” Nako snickered but Eunbi ignored her. “Then I met up with Chaewon, and I was so proud that she was doing super well, even without me. Then I met up with Wonyoung and Yujin, and got the same sense. I was worried I’d be a little jealous, but I really only felt happy that they were all doing well. Then I talked to Minju and she told me to be openminded. I danced with Chaeyeon, and she said I could easily be a soloist and that I need to set goals to motivate myself. And then I ate food with Hyewon, who cautioned me against being too unrealistic. And then I flew here and I’m realizing that I’ve flown all the way to Japan to get counseling from two of my juniors and wow what am I even doing with my life.”

Nako and Hitomi looked mildly worried while Eunbi panted a little bit following her rant. Hitomi offered her milkshake, which Eunbi drank from greedily.

“So you’ve gotten a hodgepodge of advice that worked for everyone individually, but you can’t quite make sense of it together, right?” Hitomi summarizes.

“Wow, Hitomi you’re too smart,” Eunbi praises. Hitomi nodded, satisfied with the acknowledgment. Nako scoffed.

“Please, she’s gotten all this info from the group chat beforehand. What we need to do is to distill that into a path forward. So,” Nako says while pulling out a notebook and some pens. “Let’s start with a diagram.”

…

“I don’t understand,” Nako sighs, resting her forehead against one hand. “Diagrams are usually so clear.”

“I think the mistake was trying to diagram all of this on a small, 4x6 notebook,” Eunbi adds, equally miffed.

“Maybe because you’re diagraming people moving, and not abstract thoughts,” Hitomi offers helpfully. While Eunbi and Nako had been bumping their heads against the metaphorical wall, Hitomi had been doing her best to keep up everyone’s spirits. To moderate success.

On the table between all of them sat a bunch of papers haphazardly thrown about. The connections and potential ideas were so abundant that Nako had to tear pages out of the notebook to have all of the points be visible. And without any tape or glue, the lines connecting ideas became even more mixed whenever they were rearranging papers (and Nako kept ordering mint shakes that kept forcing the trio to rearrange).

“Well,” Eunbi says. “This diagram is certainly something. I appreciate the thought guys, really! But maybe this wasn’t the way I was gonna figure this out.”

Nako leaned back, defeated. Hitomi placed a comforting hand on Nako’s shoulder, giggling to herself.

“Well, they say that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I guess my career isn’t going to be either,” Eunbi joked to keep the mood lighthearted. Nako quickly sat up again to roast Eunbi for her usage of old idioms, so mission accomplished. “I commend your effort regardless, Nako! I’m surprised you were so engaged in this. I can feel the leader vibe this entire discussion.”

Nako grins. “It’s something I’ve adopted when Sakura was gone. I always knew Sakura was a great leader in our group, but once she left, it became evident that there was a lack of leadership within HKT48. The other members just started looking towards me, and suddenly, I was one of the most experienced members in the group. So I ended up with a bigger voice in deciding our group activities. Diagrams work really well when you’re trying to organize 48 girls!”

“And that’s being modest,” Hitomi is quick to clarify. “She’s the ace nowadays of HKT48.”

“The same with Hitomi in Team 8,” Nako replies. Eunbi thought it was adorable how the two were constantly trying to praise and acknowledge the other. It was good to see that even despite the distance between them due to their different groups, they were as close as ever.

“Okay, I get it. You guys are both amazing aces,” Eunbi says.

“Right, but that was never the plan,” Hitomi interrupted, suddenly contemplative. “We fell into those positions because we came across opportunities. Sakura left because she got a deal to jumpstart her career beyond idol life. Her departure left a gap that Nako jumped to fill. Was it luck? Maybe. But they say that luck is just the combination of preparation and opportunity. And after those months of Produce, we’re very good at getting lucky.” Hitomi finished and Eunbi was surprised at how eloquent Hitomi had phrased their journey post-IZ*ONE.

“And I think that covers all of the other members’ advice! If it’s something that will come to you naturally, it’s realistically attainable and you’ll end up with some targeted goals to pursue,” Nako realized.

“I guess what I would take away from our stories,” Hitomi concludes. “Is that we don’t always get to choose what happens to us. But we can choose what to do after. I think as long as you’re proactive, you’re gonna fall into that next stage in life eventually. Neither Nako nor I expected to become such influential and pivotal people in AKB48. But unexpected events gave us the chance to _decide_ to achieve those positions. Those unexpected occasions will happen to you too, unnie.

“And if there’s anything we know and love about our leader, it’s that she’s always ready for anything.”

Lost for words, Eunbi decides to reach over the table so she could pull the younger Japanese women in for a group hug. Though every member of IZ*ONE was precious to her, it was always the most moving and emotional for her when the maknae line showed their support and love. She remembered teaching them about idol life and accompanying them on their first steps into adulthood. To see them become so mature and willing to return that help always brought Eunbi to tears.

“Ayyy, Eunbi-unnie is crying again!” Nako says mockingly.

Eunbi only wished she could’ve stopped them from being influenced by their more troublesome unnies.

Hitomi pulls out a tissue from her bag and dabs at Eunbi’s eyes. “Don’t cry please! Let’s end this reunion with laughs, not tears!”

At least Hitomi was forever a perfect cinnamon bun roll.

Eventually, Nako and Hitomi left with their managers. They were daily idols after all. Eunbi decided to stay in the café for a little longer, lost in her thoughts.

A lot of what the duo had said makes sense. They kept grinding, and when they saw greener prospects, Hitomi and Nako jumped at them. But Eunbi couldn’t help but doubt the prospects coming her way. With her long break and current unemployment, who was going to be looking to give those same chances to Eunbi?

And for all the answers the others were quick to provide, Eunbi was still left without something to do in the immediate future. The other members had sage advice on how to thrive and get your foot in the door. But Eunbi still couldn’t visualize what that door looked like.

She still didn’t know what came after dreams.

…

It happened suddenly. Eunbi had been visiting a few shops around Tokyo, reminiscing on the trips she took with her members. Then, a black car had cut her off from crossing a street. Eunbi frowned and was ready to tell off the driver in her limited Japanese, but then the window rolled down, and Eunbi gasped instead.

The interior of the car was a bright tan, and looked to be made of expensive leather. A feather trinket hung from the rearview mirror. The driver wore sunglasses and a facemask, but that bob of hair was unmistakable. In spite of the guise, Eunbi could easily tell the woman was smirking.

“Get in unnie! We’re getting dinner!”


	8. Chapter 8

“You certainly know how to make an entrance,” Eunbi commented.

“That’s what happens when you get into acting, unnie,” Sakura responded. “You feel like you always have to make an impression.”

The duo were comfortably seated in Sakura’s car, coming back from a lavish restaurant that was private. Sakura had treated Eunbi to a delicious, and undoubtedly expensive meal. While Sakura had claimed nothing could compare to the Eunbi and Chaeyeon’s cooking back at the dorms, Eunbi couldn’t help but be jealous that this was what Sakura got to enjoy on a daily basis. When Eunbi had expressed concern over the price, Sakura had laughed.

“Don’t worry about a thing. I could cover many times this meal with a single YouTube video.”

And Eunbi stopped feeling bad about having Sakura pay.

“You’ve gotten really cocky since the last time I saw you,” Eunbi said, looking out the car window. The streetlights were becoming less frequent and the surrounding buildings were gradually shrinking in size. She could tell that they were reaching the city limits, but Eunbi was completely unfamiliar with this area of Tokyo.

“You don’t think I deserve to be? Most subscribed YouTuber in Japan? Winner of multiple rookie actress awards? Senbatsu election rank one?”

“Ew, you’ve become insufferable.” Eunbi gave Sakura a grimace, but the latter continued to sport a grin.

“Sorry sorry. I’m just really happy to get the chance to brag to you unnie. I feel like I’ve been recognized a lot since I last saw you. And I want you to be proud. You’re partially responsible for it, you know.”

Eunbi’s face softened. “Aww, you know I’m always proud of you. I was admiring your guts from the moment you showed up at the audition. It was really bold of all the Japanese idols to risk their careers to come to Produce.”

“It was,” Sakura admits. Eunbi finally gets a glimpse of the humble and thoughtful girl that Sakura only revealed in their moments alone. “But it was worth it. I have so much more work and success thanks to that opportunity.”

Eunbi nods in agreement. “I don’t know how you have time to run a YouTube channel and do all this high-profile work,” Eunbi said. “You’re a monster.”

“Well, it’s mostly vlogs now. They’re a lot more manageable and easier to film. Plus I have an editor. Nowadays I just game to play some League of Legends with Yena and Hyewon. Shame Minju is too busy with her upcoming drama, we could use a decent support role.”

“I’m just gonna pretend I understood that. So where are we going?”

“I have a secret spot I like to go when I need time alone. And I think you’ll love it too.”

…

Sakura’s secret spot happened to be an isolated resting area halfway up a mountain.

Eunbi barely made it, gasping and regretting her choice of wearing jeans to dinner. “I wish you had told me that we were going to be climbing a goddamn mountain! I wouldn’t have dressed up!”

Sakura turned around, sticking her tongue out. “You’re just getting too old. This isn’t so bad.”

The former leader let out a high-pitched whine. “What happened to the cute Sakura who couldn’t do anything physical?”

“She decided she needed to be in shape so that she could do more roles and not embarrass herself on variety shows anymore. Do you remember that Running Man appearance? I was so pitifully eliminated by Nako!” Eunbi snorted at the memory.

While recomposing herself from the memory and the physical climb, Eunbi noticed that Sakura had done all this walking while wearing heels. She could see her skin starting to turn a little red from the tight straps.

“Aren’t you in pain?”

“I don’t mind it.”

Eunbi gave an amused face. “Hentai.”

Sakura merely laughed. “Don’t tempt me. You do still have a nice body. But seriously, we’re almost there so keep up!”

They finally arrived. Eunbi tiredly plopped herself on the nearby bench, taking the time to catch her breath. She could hear Sakura walk past her, and when Eunbi looked towards where Sakura had gone, her eyes widened in surprise.

Sakura stood by a railing, looking out at the brightly lit city below. The view was breathtaking. Even the tallest buildings were reduced to small clusters of lights that mixed together to form a canvas of lights and colors.

“Beautiful,” Eunbi says in Japanese, eliciting giggles from Sakura. “How’d you find this place?”

“Mm, I just found it wandering. As busy as I’ve been, I take plenty of time to be by myself. The first time I found it was about two months after IZ*ONE ended. I was feeling nostalgic, and when I saw all of this, I started crying. It was like looking at a crowd full of lightsticks. Just for a moment, I thought I was a Kpop idol again.”

Eunbi got up from her seat and walked forward to admire the view and get closer to Sakura. “But you’re not anymore. If you miss it so much, why did you quit being an idol at all?”

Sakura didn’t reply immediately, choosing to think about her next words. Eunbi looked at Sakura again, and couldn’t help but notice how mature Sakura looked. Despite opening up about a vulnerable moment, there was nothing vulnerable about this iteration of Miyawaki Sakura. She looked poised and calm, unlike the crazier version she often found herself corralling during Vlives.

“Before IZ*ONE, I was a member of HKT48. I was the ace. Everyone counted on me, and I wanted to fight to become the best idol in Japan. But then IZ*ONE happened.” Sakura turned to look at Eunbi. “And I couldn’t be satisfied anymore. I couldn’t be happy knowing that there was an entire world out there and I was limiting myself to Japan.

“Sure, there were still things I hadn’t accomplished yet as part of HKT48. But those battles lost meaning to me. When I failed to reach rank 1 years ago, before IZ*ONE, I couldn’t help but cry and wonder, ‘_What am I missing? Why do I feel that I’m lacking?_’ And only when I came to Korea, and participated in Produce, and watched you blow everyone away with your powerful audition, did I become aware of everything I did not have. And I think that’s when my dissatisfaction began. I grew so much over those two and a half years. When I came back, there was nothing left for me to learn or do in HKT48, on a personal growth level.

“I placed first in the Senbatsu election on the back of my IZ*ONE career. But I still wasn’t satisfied. So I graduated as soon as I could. Because I needed to continue my journey. Number 1 idol in Japan? Why settle for that? Why not number 1 in Japan? Why not number 1 in Asia?” Sakura looked away, staring at the city lights. “I’ve become so greedy, unnie. I’ve seen the world out there and I want to conquer it all.”

Eunbi had nothing to say. She couldn’t even begin to formulate a response. She had always known the Japanese idol, who had debuted at an incredibly early age, was driven. But this was bordering on lunacy.

Sakura smirked, and faced Eunbi again. Despite their similar heights, Eunbi couldn’t help but feel that Sakura was towering over her. Sakura’s confidence was something else.

“I bet you’re wondering why I’m talking about this. What does this have to do with your future? Because I’m wondering where our leader went. The greedy unnie who wanted to bring IZ*ONE to the top. Are you really going to be satisfied leaving entertainment?”

“What do you want me to say?” Eunbi starts getting defensive. “You think I should just go back to Woollim? Become an idol again?”

Sakura frowned. “I’m not here to pick a fight. I’m just saying that I don’t think you’re the type to be satisfied with smaller things. Chaeyeon told me you were struggling with what to do next.”

“I just…” Eunbi thought about all her past encounters with the rest of the members. How, in spite of their best efforts, Eunbi was still so unsure. And she looked at Sakura, the second eldest of IZ*ONE, and one of the few people who could truly understand what it felt to bear the burden of leadership and desire to grow. And she couldn’t stay quiet anymore.

“I’m so frustrated,” Eunbi admits. “After talking with Hitomi and Nako, who were so excited to help me, I’m only now realizing how much time I’m wasting trying to figure this out. Everyone’s out there reaching new heights, but I’ve been stuck on the ground for so long.” Eunbi balled her fists, and she glared at the ground.

Even after all these conversations and all of this support, Eunbi was still rooted in the same place she was when she first left Korea to travel the world.

“You’re right though. I’m not satisfied. I’m just so…pissed! I’m gonna end up some deadbeat old lady with a cat living off her past glory. Pathetic…”

“You’re not pathetic unnie.”

Eunbi looked up at the sudden interruption. Sakura was staring at Eunbi. Her expression didn’t have an ounce of pity. Instead, it was serious and emphatic.

“You’re forgetting everything that happened before this. How you recovered from failure to challenge again. How you lead one of the most successful girl groups in Kpop history. You’re the farthest thing from pathetic. You’re a victor who’s tired of resting on her laurels. You’ve accomplished your dreams already. You’re reaching for something beyond the summit that most people only daydream of reaching.”

“Then don’t I deserve to rest! Haven’t I done enough! Why do I need more? Why can’t I settle?” Eunbi, growing more annoyed, starts yelling at Sakura. Despite Sakura barely reacting, Eunbi catches herself. She sighs. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I’m not meant to take out my frustrations on you.”

The Japanese maintains her stoicism. “Of course. But those questions…they’re the questions you’re asking yourself right?”

Eunbi, continuing to throw her mini-tantrum, returns to her seat on the bench. She throws her head back and leans backwards, staring at the ceiling of the small wooden structure above the bench. Sakura continued staring at Eunbi, like a therapist waiting for her patient to gather her thoughts.

“Then…what do I do?” Eunbi finally says after calming down.

Sakura shakes her head. “We’ve all told you a little bit of what we think you should do. You already know that nobody can tell you what to do now. But here’s what I will tell you. You can do whatever you want. You could go back and be Korea’s second best soloist. Or you could settle down and open up a cat café. But you’re not the type of person to settle for less.

“Whatever you do, don’t do it because you’ve given up. You don’t have to pursue the greatest awards to be greedy. You can desire the simpler joys of life. But you should desire something. If there’s anything I know about you unnie, it’s that you’re insatiable when you know what you want. We’re pretty similar after all.”

Eunbi chuckled. “You’re making me sound like some sort of glutton.”

“Would you feel better if I called you a pig?” Sakura laughed loudly when Eunbi stood up.

“You’re really pushing my buttons today Miyawaki!”

“Sounds like business as usual then.”

Eunbi scoffed and Sakura continued laughing. In spite of the digs, Eunbi couldn’t help but admire Sakura. The younger woman had managed to give some potentially life-altering advice while preventing the mood from being too heavy. If it wasn’t clear to her before, it was now. Sakura had truly blossomed into a woman ready to fight the world and earn her place in the spotlight. There was something truly transcendent about Sakura now.

And if she was attributing it to her time in IZ*ONE, Eunbi could pat herself on the back for being part of the catalyst for this growth. _And maybe_, Eunbi finally acknowledged, _there’s hope for me to grow too._

“You know, your laugh is starting to sound like Chaeyeon’s,” Eunbi points out.

Sakura’s expression softens for the first time, and she turns to look out towards the city again. “Well, we do talk a lot these days. We’re both working towards our own goals. I hope we can cross paths one day.”

Eunbi tilted her head in confusion. Sakura turned back around, the softer expression replaced by a mischievous grin.

“I mean all of us of course.”

Somehow, Eunbi both agreed and disagreed with that last statement.

Sakura, undeterred, began walking back down the mountain path. “C’mon crybaby, I’ll treat you to some ice cream on the way back.”

Eunbi groaned and picked herself up. She rushed to Sakura’s side and reached for the latter’s hand. Sakura acquiesced, even if Eunbi quickly began arguing that she was not a crybaby. Despite the passage of time and the sea that sat between their two countries, Eunbi settled into the familiarity and comfort of an old friend.

It was a much needed comfort in the face of uncertainty. One that Eunbi, in her opinion, was finally approaching with some confidence.

…

Eunbi lugged her carry-on to the apartment door. She sighed in exhaustion. Despite the constant travel, she always found herself too tired to do anything else but rest after a flight. It didn’t help that Sakura had insisted on one more meal before she manically drove Eunbi to the airport. Eunbi had barely made her flight.

She unlocked the door and waltzed in. As Eunbi began putting away her shoes, she could smell something was cooking. She didn’t think much of it, but quickly realized that someone else was in the apartment. Before she could even question who, a blur of brown hair appeared and Eunbi was immediately tackled.

“Welcome home!” Jo Yuri said cheerfully, hugging the life out of Eunbi. Getting over her initial surprise, Eunbi smiled and ruffled Yuri’s hair. She looked up, and saw a duck-faced woman leaning against the wall of the foyer and staring at the two affectionately.

“It’s been a while, unnie!!” Yena said.


	9. Chapter 9

Having been moving around so much for the past two years, Eunbi was unaccustomed to finding someone waiting for her at home. She became used to coming home to an empty hotel room, and ending her nights with the TV on some random channel. Satisfied with the day but lonely during the nights.

But being at Yena and Yuri’s apartment, with them inside of it, reminded of her of how much she treasured those days in the IZ*ONE dorms. The previously silent apartment was brought to life with the sound of laughter and the frying of donkatsu in a pan. Yena, dressed in an apron decorated with a hamster, sat by the stove, dutifully cooking the food. Yuri sat next to Eunbi at the dining table, almost vibrating in excitement.

“I’m so excited for you try this unnie! I did the prep just like we used to do together back at the dorm. And I hope you’ll like it! I mean, it won’t be as good as yours, but I think we did a really good job! And Yena had this amazing idea where we cut the donkatsu meat before breading it, and put in cheese! So we get cheese katsu! It’s daebak unnie, you’ll love it!”

“Yah Yuri,” Yena called. She was removing the pork from the oil and started to drain the oil with a paper towel. “Get the banchon out!”

“Of course!” Yuri said happily, getting up and pecking Yena on the cheek before moving to the fridge. Eunbi smiled brightly. It warmed her heart considerably to see two of her best friends so happily living together.

“I kinda feel like the kid waiting for my parents to serve dinner,” Eunbi joked. “It feels both right and wrong. Like…”

Yena brings all the donkatsu to the table. “Like the roles are reversed and you should be the one serving us, right?” She grins and Eunbi returns the smile. Once Yuri returns with all the side dishes, the trio eagerly begin digging. For Eunbi, who hadn’t had anything since her last meal with Sakura, the food was heavenly.

“Omo, guys this is so good! The cheese is perfect!”

Yuri beamed with pride and Yena chuckled. “Well, we couldn’t live off takeout forever. Someone had to learn how to cook after you weren’t around. So we both put some honest effort into it.”

“And it really shows!” Eunbi continued to praise. ‘What else have you guys learned?”

“Oh well you know, lots of things. You know I try hard to get a variety of things…” Yena starts ranting, and Eunbi gives her a skeptical look. “Okay fine, we don’t know that much more. We’ve gotten really creative with donkatsu though.”

“And…” Yuri adds. Eunbi can see the love and affection evident in Yuri’s gaze towards Yena. “Yena is very good at making pork soup. It was my favorite growing up in Busan.”

Yena does the shy laugh, and Eunbi remembers how Hyewon exposed the particular way Yena’s nose scrunches. And she once again feels amazed that these two women were able to find each other through a survival show, start a career together, and still be as in love as they were when they debuted. She’d never admit it, but watching the two interact was beautiful to watch.

“You guys are so disgustingly sweet,” Eunbi mockingly complains. “Meanwhile, my single ass is stuck having to third-wheel.” The group quickly devolves into giggles, and they continue their lively conversation with some macaroons for dessert. Yena makes repeated digs at Eunbi missing out on the primetime to date, while Yuri reassured her and tried to suggest some random, single idols.

It reminded Eunbi of all the late night conversations and hangouts the members did together in between long practices and recording sessions. It was a level of comfort where they could talk about literally anything and it wouldn’t feel out of place. Just a stream of consciousness that spoke volumes about how close they were with one another.

Near midnight, Yuri had fallen asleep. Yena, after poking Yuri’s cheeks to check if it was deep asleep, got up and carried Yuri back to bed without any complaints. Eunbi started to clean up some of the mess in the meanwhile. In contrast to their carefree demeanor back in the IZ*ONE dorms, Yena and Yuri were pretty clean and organized together. Even those two troublemakers managed to grow up and become responsible adults.

When Yena came back, she was holding two cans of beer. “Wanna talk for a little longer?”

Eunbi sighed, but smiled and accepted the can anyways. “For some reason, I haven’t been able to say no to any of you since I came back.”

Yena snickered. “That’s what made you a great leader. Always looking out for us, even if it wasn’t your choice.”

“Well, emphasis on ‘made.’ Now I feel like I’m an idle mom who’s kids have left the nest. Oh my god, I have empty nest syndrome,” Eunbi panicked, clutching her head.

“When Sungmin moved out, my mom took up knitting. Maybe you could do that. Actually,” Yena suddenly turned serious. “What _are_ you gonna do now?”

Eunbi sighed deeply, and took a long chug of her beer. “That’s what I’m wracking my brain to figure out. Definitely no more traveling. I thought I’d decide after seeing the world, but it only made me realize that I don’t think I want to look for something outside Korea. The other girls had plenty of suggestions. Chaeyeon says I could still debut since my dancing was still good. Hyewon’s video with me got like ten million views, so I could do YouTube? I’m just even more confused now. And then there’s Sakura with her ridiculous expectations of me.”

She fell onto the couch, careful not to spill her beer. “I’m at my wit’s end.”

“It’s really not that hard unnie. You just have to find the mix of what makes you happy and what you are good at.” Yena stands up, hyped by her own words (and maybe a little drunk). “Yuri makes me happy. And I’m good at singing and dancing. Being an idol makes me happy. Thus, I needed a job where I could do singing and dancing and Yuri.”

Eunbi started cracking up. Yena blushed, but Eunbi wasn’t sure if it was actually embarrassment or just Asian glow.

“ANYWAYS…I knew that leaving Yuehua was necessary. It was still scary. And it was really hard to convince the company to let me go. But look at where we are! In a nice apartment, sharing beers on my super expensive couch, with the love of my life in the room next door! My life is fantastic! I love singing! I love Yuri! I’m living the good life!”

Eunbi was both laughing hysterically and trying to get Yena to be quiet. “Yah, get down and stop yelling!” Yena collapsed back onto the couch, also laughing wholeheartedly.

“Let’s make a list!” Yena suddenly exclaims.

“Huh?”

“Let’s make a list of things you’re good at, and things you like. It’ll make things really clear.”

Yena procures a large whiteboard from who knows where, and the duo begin creating a table in between their sips of alcohol. Leader Eunbi would’ve stopped this before either of them got a hangover.

But Eunbi wasn’t an idol anymore so fuck it.

“Okay, we’re gonna start with what you’re good at,” Yena begins. “Singing, dancing, singing and dancing, being an idol, making wallets, leading, guiding us, cooking, memorizing…”

“No no no,” Eunbi interrupted. “We need to apply some limits. Let’s keep it to professional roles.”

“Are you telling me you don’t want to be a chef?”

“Yena…”

“Okay okay we’ll focus. What do you love then?”

That question threw Eunbi’s slightly tipsy mind for a loop. “That’s…surprisingly difficult to answer. I feel like if I knew, I’d already be doing instead of making this table.”

“Well let’s start with the obvious.” Yena writes her own name in the column. Eunbi throws a pillow. “Fine fine fine. Geez you’re less fun when you’re drunk. Did you do anything you found super fun during your travels.”

Eunbi closed her eyes and tried to look back on the past two years. She focused on all of the major cities to see if anything stuck out. Central Park in New York City. That one famous Korean BBQ place in Koreatown in LA. Casa Loma in Toronto. The Berlin Zoo.

That last one surprised Eunbi. She hadn’t visited the Berlin Zoo when she went to Germany in the beginning of the year. Why had she thought of that?

And then Eunbi realized that the Berlin Zoo was the place where they almost dropped Minju into one of the animal exhibits. It was both an incredibly funny and stressful trip. After a year, Germany was the country where they had filmed one of their later seasons of IZ*ONE Chu. In fact, all of Eunbi’s favorite destinations had been ones where she had visited with the other members.

“I love you guys,” Eunbi suddenly stated.

Yena, who was on the verge of falling asleep, also snapped out of her daze. “So I was right?”

“Not just you! All of the girls. I love spending time with you guys since I came back. I loved spending time with you guys when we were still in a group together. I loved watching us succeed and accomplish our dreams. I’m so in love with the sight of all of you happy.”

“Oh…” Yena then wrote _IZ*ONE_ on the board. “Well, based on our table so far, you want to be a the leader of IZ*ONE. I don’t think that one is happening, unless you’re fine with doing nothing until Mnet eventually calls for a reunion.”

Eunbi pinched her nose, stressed. “Yeah this list isn’t gonna do us much good. I should obviously do what I love – no, not that kind don’t give me that look Choi Yena! – and if I knew then this wouldn’t be so hard.”

Yena pouted, putting the board on the coffee table. “Well, how are we gonna figure that out?”

Eunbi, having no answer, finished the last of her beer and went to the fridge to find another can.

Yena shrugged. “I guess drink.”

…

Eunbi was woken up by the smell of breakfast. A blanket had been laid on top of her, and Eunbi realized she had fallen asleep on the couch. On the other side, Yena, also wrapped in a blanket burrito, slept haphazardly: the drool was evident on her chin. After rubbing out the last vestiges of sleep from her eyes, Eunbi rose and found Yuri cooking.

Walking into the kitchen and rummaging through the fridge, Eunbi noticed that Yuri was sporting a pout instead of the warm smile she had seen last night.

“What are you all pouty about this early in the morning?”

Yuri chuckled softly. “Yena didn’t come back to bed. She does every once in a while, falling asleep on the couch. Especially when she’s playing videogames with Sakura and Hyewon online. I’d punish her by making her sleep on the couch, but…”

“Yeah, that’s my bad,” Eunbi said sheepishly. She whooped silently upon finding a can of Sprite to start her day. She asked Yuri if the younger needed any assistance, but the singer denied it. So Eunbi sat on the dining table, enjoying the peace of the morning.

“Do you remember the night you told us you were retiring?” Yuri suddenly asked.

Eunbi, startled, almost choked on her sprite. Yuri looked over worriedly, but Eunbi shook her hand indicating that she was alright.

“Omo, you surprised me. It’s hard to forget that night,” Eunbi manages to get out in between coughs.

Yuri laughed. “Sorry unnie. Anyways, I have a confession about that night. I accidentally overheard some of your conversation with Chaewon-unnie.”

“Oh! You were the source of those footsteps I heard,” Eunbi realized.

“Yeah, guilty as charged. Sorry for eavesdropping. But that night gave me a lot to think about,” Yuri continued. “You’re so brave for admitting that you weren’t happy where you were and being so willing to give up everything you knew to chase after a new happiness. Even though Yena was the one to confess, I think about those words a lot. Part of the reason I could say yes was because I didn’t want to settle, just like you. If you weren’t gonna settle for anything less than your happiness, why should I?”

Eunbi started choking up. “Yuri…”

“I’m sure Yena gave you a good pep talk last night. I don’t need to give you that. But I just want to thank you for your courage unnie. I hope you know that you didn’t make the wrong choice. If it worked out for us, you’ll find it too. And we only got this far because you were so open with us. We’ve always followed in your footsteps. Whatever you end up doing, we’ll support you and help out however we can!”

Eunbi quickly leapt out of her seat to tearily embrace Yuri. The two eagerly hugged.

It wasn’t a solution, but Yuri’s belief was so energizing. It reminded her why she was happy to become an idol in the first place. To bring happiness to others.

After a minute, the two managed to calm themselves and wipe away any tears. Yena, who had finally woken up, strolled into the kitchen groggily.

“Hey, what’s on fire?”

Yuri and Eunbi looked at Yena in confusion, before turning to the stove and seeing the eggs Yuri had been working on become black. The women all screamed and rapidly worked to open the windows and turn off the stove. After the panic had died down, the girls laughed together.

Yuri, rather than being upset about the food, just looked embarrassed (“I really wanted to impress unnie!”) Yena laughed happily and kissed Yuri’s cheeks to calm her down. In spite of how gross the sight was, Eunbi was just happy to see the duo happy with one another. This, among other scenes while visiting her friends, made her the happiest.

Walking away from the balcony, Eunbi looked at the coffee table. She picked up the list Yena and her had sloppily made while drunk last night. And adding that last thought to her list of things she loves, Eunbi finally had the epiphany she had been waiting for.

Eunbi excused herself, and pulled out her phone.

“…unnie?” A sleepy Chaewon answered.

“Hey, sorry for waking you up,” Eunbi apologized. “Can you give me the number of your manager? I need to arrange a meeting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter. Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Eunbi took a deep breath. After such a long time away, she couldn’t believe that she would willingly return to this place. It actually made sense, now that she thought about it. Her journey started with her departure from the dorms. And it would end in essentially the same location.

She was currently standing in front of the Woollim building. It had taken a lot of courage to return. She had stressed about the situation for days. But she couldn’t put it off any longer. Eunbi needed to take the first step towards her new journey.

And she ran out of money after that expensive trip to Japan. Yena was happy to host her for a little longer, but Eunbi had realized very quickly the consequences of staying in the same place as Yulyen. Especially when they were…happy to be home.

Eunbi finally stepped forward, entering the building. It was just as she remembered it: a modest lobby with very little outside of the front desk and doors leading elsewhere. It was such a simple entrance, and it reminded her of the new world she was preparing to enter. She steeled herself. She could do this. This was the next step towards her new dream.

Nobody said entering production would be easy.

After her long talk with Yena, Eunbi realized what she wanted. Her visits to the members of IZ*ONE reminded her of what she valued most about being a leader. It was no longer the roaring fans or the singing that held the most meaning. It was watching her best friends grow up and achieve their own dreams. It was being part of their journeys and watching them go from battered girls to confident women.

Eunbi thought about everything she had experienced since returning from Korea. Wonyoung and Yujin getting their first win. Minju reaching her full potential. Hyewon finding stability and happiness. Nako and Hitomi becoming the aces of their groups. Chaeyeon earning her confidence. Sakura dreaming of new heights. And Yena and Yuri keeping both their love and dreams.

And they all thanked Eunbi for her part.

_Maybe I’m just a glutton for praise_, Eunbi joked to herself. Surely, only a greedy person would go so far as to want to own an entire entertainment company.

And here she was, looking to start from the bottom of the ladder and climb to the top at Woollim Entertainment. But this time, she would challenge not as a young trainee with a pocket full of dreams, but as a woman with a whole lot of grit. The plan was simple: discover what it takes to create an entertainment company, convince some investors that she knew what she was doing, and then work towards debuting her own idols.

Was it crazy? Absolutely. She didn’t know the first thing about creating an idol group. Hell, she barely knew how to do her own taxes! But she desperately wanted to learn. Because there were thousands of young girls around the world looking for a chance to become the next IZ*ONE. If she could give them that one in a million chance, then she couldn’t think of a more noble calling.

In the end, Eunbi had been right. She couldn’t see her future as an idol anymore. She had looked out at the scores of fans chanting her name, and she could not find the motivation to keep going. She had traveled the world, looking for a sign of what her should do next. Instead, her members were the one who brought Eunbi inspiration and reignited her passion. She had gone out of her way to find something that was next to her all along.

Eunbi just wanted to support her loved ones and the dreams of young girls.

The roundabout route, however long, still felt fated. She failed in Ye-A. She succeeded in IZ*ONE. She saw the world. And she admired the careers of her former groupmates. She needed to see it all. If there was anything she had going for her, heading into this new realm of offices and management, it was the understanding of idol life and a worldly perspective. Maybe she was a little green going in, but she had enough experience in other areas to start. She was going in with an edge and tenacity that others would be jealous of.

Eunbi was pulled out of her thoughts by a few messages on her phone. Upon unlocking her phone, a few choice messages brought a smile to her face. They were from a few dependable friends, with whom she had shared this new dream with. It reminded her of what she was chasing. And if she managed to pull it off, then Eunbi would hopefully be seeing them all together again.

“Ms. Kwon?” the receptionist called out. “The president will see you now.”

Eunbi put her phone away, stood up straight and walked over. IZ*ONE disbanded almost two years ago. While she thought she was ready for it to end when she left for her travels, she ended up being wrong. It was not until now that she realized she was ready to move on.

It was time to finally take a step forward.

It was time for new dreams.

…

_“Fighting unnie! When you start your new company, Yuri and I will come running!”_

_“Take as long as you need! I’ll be dancing forever anyways! xD”_

_“You better work hard. You need to be prepared to manage an international star ;)”_

_“I’m gonna work hard, and become the best leader ever. So when the time comes, please become the best boss ever. Unnie, fighting!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of Eunbi's journey. If you have any criticism or thoughts, please let me know. Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading. any criticism is welcome.


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